Adult survivors of child abuse Community Group
A group to help support and heal adult survivors of child abuse. Limited to those who want to change the cycle...not perpetuate it.
when i was 8 years my stepfather started abusing me he would sneak in my room are making me come in his room he would tell me that I was the reason for him staying with my mother if I refused he would goad me by saying "do you love me if you love me you'll do it." every time I will try every time I will try to get a boyfriend he will find a way to ruin the relationship one day he raped me and then told me it was my fault because I didn't give in to him willingly.he continued to rape me until I was in my 20s, if I if I tried to fight back he would hold me down and do it and do it anyway. I had no one I could turn to to tell what he was doing and he knew it he used threats to get me to do what you want it when he died five years later I thought I was free of this memory but I know that's when I get angry my anger keeps opening up the doorway for the bad memories of me being raped. He used to tell me that it was my fault but if I didn't have big breasts and the thing between my legs that he would not keep doing it. I found myself in a deep depression while with Gothic almost everyday wearing total black including my nail polish my lipstick, and my eyeshadow. I have been trying I have been trying to forget about this I even told my present boyfriend about it he said I can try to talk to a psychologist but I don't have the funds to speak to anyone I'm also not a churchgoer therefore I don't have a pastor to talk to, can anyone please give me some can anyone please give me some feedback or advice about what I can do to get rid of these disturbing memories of something that was not my fault.
No child teen or adult deserves to be abused so horribly. It's impossible to be anyones fault but his own because they were his actions.
You never asked to be hurt. As a fellow survivor I can say sometimes you will think "well if I faught harder" or if I did his or that but this is a brains ways to cope with trauma.
You did the best you could to cope (sometimes hat means disassociating or pretending to be elsewhere) and you would never have wantd to be scarred in this way
Abusers manipulate through making you feel alone, poweeless, alienated, and blamed. This is to get control. But it is not true!
You are not alone, you don't have to be religious to experience spiritual support, amd there are many resources out there low cost or for free you can access!
I call crisis lines for help and use counseling services offered by community and from colleges in graduate programs. There are resources! There are so many people out here who want to support you and help you feel safe because they know first hand how lonely and how frightening it is to be a survivor.
You have made it so far and truly the worst is over! The memories still cause pain but now you can take actions little steps at a time to continue to heal and respect your body. You've already taken steps by talking to your boyfriend and coming here. Maybe next you will research survivors or call a crisis/help line. Whatever it is, each small effort will build together and as you keep going you WILL feel more and more relief. More peace and more sense of safety.
I can tell you sometimes it doesnt seem to heal as quickly as youd like and sometimes it feels like healing will never come. But just keep making those efforts. Look up ways to heal. Read affirmations. Read inspiring stories. They will all help you begin to believe in a better life for yourself, that you can heal from what youve been through.
One painful part of recovery is that the memories cant be erased. Its natural for your brain to try to forget to protect you from it, but even omce repressed the fears snd hurt can linger.
But there will be a day that you feel in control of the thoughts that run throug your mind. The intrusive thoughts can be calmed and your brain taught how to say "no I dont want to think about this right now"
And one day as youve worked towards this goal again and again, you will start to find that you feel stronger than the memories. That youve been empowered by the stories literally thousands of women who are besides you as survivors.
It was never our fault.
You deserve to recieve support.
And you have the power to heal yourself.
From one survivor to another, I believe in you! You can reclaim your life and decide that you are worth the efforts,the self care and the support.