Adult children of narcissistic parents Community Group

A space to explore our thoughts, feelings and experiences that have occurred as result of our childhoods with narcissistic parents (one or both). It is hoped that we can use this space as a further tool by which to take control of our lives from those we have inadvertantly relinquished it to, heal the hurt and be happy.

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redheadfrog 12/02/2015

I am very fortunate to have realized my mother is a narcissist. Moving to another state expedited the realization. Also, very fortunate that my father (they're divorced) and my sisters' are now realizing it too. I felt alone and singled-out for way, way too long.

My father and I have been able to discuss so much of the things that happened when I was growing up. All the manipulation, the way she'd pit us against one another to her benefit. One sister is just now (in her late 30's) able to talk about it.

During the Thanksgiving holiday, I was with this sister and we were talking about it. I told her I feel like our mother robbed us all of the family we could have been. We were not very close for a long time, mom was the tie that bound us. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful we are able to know, but so mad that we could have been a "normal" family! How could any mother divide and conquer her own family!

Pitstop 12/07/2015

They do it though. Both my parents made it a horrible competition. As a result I now have no normal sibling relationships. Attempts by me to put this right, now that we are all adults, has failed miserably, because one sibling doesn't want to accept that there was any dysfunction. Sigh.

So I gave that up- and boy I feel better. I now am trying to get on with the rest of my life without having to take them into account,or listen to their harsh judgements, or sort out their squabbles. And I am also no longer available to be the scapegoat when anything in their lives goes wrong. Hooray and GO me! :)

redheadfrog 12/08/2015

Pitstop, It's good to know that this is typical of living with a narcissistic parent. I pray one day your siblings wake up.

Pitstop 12/13/2015

Thanks redheadfrog. Take care xx

Pitstop 04/17/2016

I think one of them may have. She was the one who was also scapegoated.We were pitted against each other and thus didn't get on well. But despite that we love each other. I wish you well for the future xx

Thefreeandhappyscapegoat 01/26/2017

Well done redheadfrog in building the bridges that were robbed from you and your siblings and dad. I'm just wondering how did your family realize your mum's true colours? Personally I don't have any relationship with 5 siblings. I was angry with them because they are my mum's puppets. I wonder could I have done things differently.

redheadfrog 01/31/2017

It took many years, it helped that my mother moved to another state. I also moved not too far from our family home state. My mother now visits with my sisters separately, it took a few years for them to start venting about her drama when she visits...always drama! It still took several years, but we are all on the same page. I hope one day you and your siblings can come together.

shin.jini 02/26/2017

I also recently realised that I have a narcissistic mother with an enabling father. All these years I was told that as a daughter I should "work it out" with my mother no matter how she is. Her continuous emotional abuse through neglect, arrogance, undermining my qualities, highlighting my faults and mistakes even in public settings- was unbearable but I went through all of them thinking it was my "duty" to serve her. I thirsted for her attention and affection but she was still the same. Kept pushing me away and made me feel I wasn't worth her attention and I have brought nothing but shame and misery into her life.
I still suffer from panic disorders because of this.
All my relationships have crashed and burn.
She doesn't want me to get married because she thinks I am not good enough for it and I will destroy the man's life.
I currently live with my family and just dying to move out.
Once I do, I am never returning. I have had enough. I have already allowed he narcissism suck out my positive juice, I will not allow it anymore. There shall be no toxicity in my life. I have made the choice.
This decision is absolutely heart breaking cuz I love her the most in the world but I have to do this for myself. I have to move on and I though I will not make peace with my mother but I will eventually make peace with her absence in my life.

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