My parents divorced in 1974, when I was a young girl. Yep, you read that right, over 40 years ago and it's still impacting my life. The divorce was ugly. My parents got pregnant and married young, but really never should have been together. 14 years in, my mom felt trapped in a life that she didn't want and she reacted by having an affair with our next door neighbor. She was very open about the affair with PDA right in front of her kids. My parents fought and it got physical. Anyway, it ended and they both moved on. My mom married the man that she had an affair with and they had a child several years later. My father remarried, lost that wife to cancer, remarried again (too quickly) and divorced, then remarried a final time to his current wife who he's been with for 25 years. My dad was very bitter initially, which made family gatherings very awkward, but he's happy now and has grown a lot so he is now cordial to my mom. A few years ago, my mom and her husband moved back to the area where my dad lives and they have run into each other a couple of times. My dad describes it as awkward and kind of laughs it off. My mom claims that my dad "held her hand longer than normal" and that she thinks he has a desire to "make amends". I've told my mom that she should seek counseling for her guilt as she needs to forgive herself for what happened as we have all moved on. She claims she's not guilty and it appears that she is looking to my dad to apologize for not treating her well enough and "forcing" her into the affair.
The most recent issue that I'm having with her is this desire for her to "reconnect" with my dad. My daughter was recently married and both of my parents and their spouses attended. My mom wanted to use that time to try to have a conversation with my dad about their past and I had to beg her not to do that to my daughter. If things didn't go as she had envisioned, it would only make people feel uncomfortable and awkward during a time that was supposed to be celebrating my daughter and her husband's new life together. She finally agreed. Now, I am planning a trip home and will be spending some time with each of my parents. My mom wants to have my dad and his wife over for dinner while I'm there. She hasn't extended the invitation to them, so I'm pretty sure she wants me to do that. I told her that I don't want to be in the middle of this. If she and my dad both agree to meet, that is between them and I should not be there. If they then decide to socialize, then I am fine with being present, but it really needs to be between them and not involve me at all. I am not their counselor or mediator any more. I don't know why she keeps pushing this issue without regard to my feelings as well as that of her husband. How awkward for him. Just a few months back she wrote things about my dad in her personal blog (naming him by full name, city and state) and talking about his "wandering eye". She made it sound like he had multiple affairs during the course of their marriage. My mom told me that there had been a woman that my dad had kissed and that he confessed to her immediately afterward because he felt guilty and didn't want to keep secrets in their marriage. Was that wrong of my dad to kiss another woman? Yes. Does this constitute a "wandering eye"? Maybe, but the implication was that there were multiple affairs and that she was a victim. It seems to me that she still wants to blame him for everything that happened and take no responsibility for her own actions.
Several years ago, I took my mom on a vacation and she asked me if I had "ruined her life". I told her that my life was good so, no, she did not "ruin" it. But, yes, she did impact it and in some ways that impact was negative. I told her that I didn't feel like I knew how to have a relationship with my teenage daughter because she was not around when I was a teen and my step-mother was dying of cancer so I didn't have a real-life example of a mother/teen relationship. She got very defensive and tried to argue with me. I finally just told her that SHE asked for my opinion and I gave it honestly. If she didn't like it, then tough. I was not going to lie to her just to make her feel better. The whole situation basically ruined our vacation. The rest of our time together was awkward. My cousin happened to be in town at the same time and my mom spent the majority of our time together hanging out with my cousin and just ignoring me. I had so looked forward to having some girl time with my mom and it was just ruined. Never again. Now, I'm planning some time with each of my parents as well as a sibling while I'm there and I don't want this vacation to end in the same way. I will not hold my tongue, though, if she pushes the issue.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? I'm already envisioning and a big blow out argument and my husband and I moving to a hotel. Just the thought of what might happen is stressing me out.