Adult Children of Divorce Community Group

This is for 18+ "children" of divorced parents.

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luckyjameson18 08/02/2016

Hi All,

My parents have been divorced for sixteen years and remarried new spouses about ten years ago. From these new marriages I have gained four step siblings. It was awkward at first for my brother and I to form relationships with our step siblings, but for the most part, we have established cordial and polite relationships with all, and friendly relationships with some. One of my step sisters is getting married. I have not been particulary close to her, but like I mentioned, we have all remained polite with each other. She did not invite myself or my brother to her wedding, which did not upset me. What upsets me is that she has asked my dad to be the father of the bride. I know this is something that would make him happy, but I can't help but feeling like something about this is not right.

What do you think? Am I way off base here? What's the protocol for step families at weddings anyway? Any insight or advice would be great.

stillhealing1977 08/16/2017

No, you are not way off base. Its hurtful & awkward! One of the myths of divorce is that it is a one time event that happened at some point in time and each year that passes should get easier. It seems like you should heal more & more as the time passes. That's a MYTH! Divorce is like a black hole that just keeps sucking things into it! You will always have triggers. A graduation, holidays, a wedding....where things just don't feel right! It feels like this girl is stealing your Dad in a way & doesn't even have the decency to invite you & your brother. I'm sure you feel left out. You can't fix it or change it. All you can do is be honest with yourself. Accept your feelings as valid & important. You are not overreacting. This is how most anyone would feel in the same situation. I wish I had better advice. Just know that you did not choose for your parents to divorce or remarry. This was their choice but you have to deal with the aftermath& weird situations that no one should have to deal with. You are totally valid to have whatever feelings you have. I read a book by Judith Wallerstein called The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (its on amazon for $10). It changed my life. Good luck & I pray you find peace in your heart.

faitgnomore86 02/10/2018

did your parents divorce when u were young?

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