My parents have been married for 34 years.  I, myself, am 30 years old and ended up moving away from the family 3 years ago for my career.  I don't get to see them much but we are a tight-knit bunch (or at least I thought we were).  I speak with mom over the phone on a daily basis and although we butt-heads more than I'd like, we've developed a great friendship over the past year.  My parents both recently retired within the past 2 years and from my daily chats with mom, she shared they were struggling to find ways to spend their time together.  I tried to help give suggestions and tools whenever I could as well as positive encouragement.  It seemed to help and they seemed happy to me.

So the other day I'm on the phone with my mom and telling her how exhausted I was from my day and I immediately heard it in her voice.  I pressed her to tell me what was wrong and she burst into tears on the phone saying that things were over between her and my dad.  She had questioned him on the previous day about where he was spending the large amounts of cash he had withdrawn from their account.  He refused to tell her.  When my brother tried to help by asking my dad, he told him to f*** off.  My mom left that evening and stayed at my brother's house only to come home and find that my dad had taken $3,000 in cash out of her sock drawer and refused to give it back.  She asked him if he wants to call it quits and if she should call a lawyer, he said go ahead.  He's already started to look for apartment so he can move out.  And I'm a few states away feeling helpless.  And it doesn't help that I am mad as hell with my father.  I realize I haven't heard his side of anything because we don't talk much but that's the thing... he rarely calls me.  I have to initiate every call and attempt to have a relationship with him.  I feel like my mom has REALLY tried since I moved away.  I'm not mad because their divorcing.  I'm mad because of his behavior now and my mad stems from my disappointment in feeling like he failed our family and is just giving up because I feel like my mom has tried... really tried.

He's always had a temper as far back as I can remember.  And that temper has led to some pretty shitty situations.  He's a functioning alcoholic.  A Vietnam vet, whom I think could have PTSD but is too stubborn to seek help.  When I was 10 I watched him beat my mom to a pulp and break a sturdy wooden chair over her back... we were living overseas at the time so there was no calling 911.  I was sure that they would've split then but she forgave him and they stayed together.  I don't remember anything too traumatizing happening after that but the constant bickering, fighting, yelling, drinking, lying... the constant failure at being the father I wanted him to step up and be.  To be the husband my mom needed him to be.  He provided for us... so then I shouldn't resent him right?  I had a roof over my head, I was fed, I was privileged in some ways.  I shouldn't be mad right?  But I can't help it, I'm mad as hell still!

I'm not sure what the next steps are for me with this process or what to do.  I work in a high stress field and not to mention I also work a part-time job and am in my last semester of grad school.  I don't want to mess up anything I've worked so hard to build up here but I feel like at any moment, I could lose it.  I've found this situation to be effecting my temperment at work and I was snappy at my staff yesterday which is NOT how I typically am.  I need support... I need guidance...