I HAVENT BEEN TO THIS SITE IN AWHILE BUT HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH SO MUCH I THOUGHT I WOULD STOP BY.IT AMAZES ME EVERYTIME I START TO READ EVERYONES POSTS ,ITS SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME..I GREW UP IN AN ALCOHOLIC FAMILY THAT WAS ALWAYS IN TURMOIL...I HAVE BEEN LIVEING IN MY OWN ADULT HELL IN MY UNHAPPY MARRIAGE FOR THE PAST TWENTY YEARS.I HAVE DONE MY SHARE OF DRINKING BUT NEVER CONSIDERED MY FAMILY TO BE AS BAD AS WHAT I GREW UP IN .A FEW YEARS BACK I WAS SO DEPPRESSED AND DRINKING QUITE A BIT I ALMOST DIED TWICE IN TWO MONTHS TIME IN TWO SEPERATE CAR ACCIDENTS.IT WAS RATHER A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME AND EVEN THOUGH I ENJOY TO SOCIALY DRINK IT WAS NO LONGER IMPORTANT TO ME. I NEVER DRANK IN FRONT OF MY KIDS THOUGH, IT WAS MY STRICT RULE...BUT MY HUSBAND ALWAYS HAS...IT SEEMS HIS DRINKING BUDDIES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE TO HIM..HE DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR HIS FAMILY AND IS JUST MEAN AND NASTY ON A DAILY BASIS..I COULD GO ON AND ON BUT I WILL TRY TO GET TO THE POINT.ITS JUST THAT I HAVE BEEN SO ALONE AND DEPPRESSED NOW FOR SO LONG ITS HARD FOR ME TO FUNCTION ANYMORE...MY CHILDHOOD WAS SUCH A MESS AND NOW MY KIDS LIVES ARE NO BETTER...I USED TO THINK I WAS A GOOD MOM BUT NOW I JUST FEEL LIKE A FAILURE FOR NOT REMOVEING THEM FROM THIS DRUNKEN ,MEAN MONSTER THIER FATHER HAS BECOME.EVERYONE MUST ALWAYS WALK ON EGG SHELLS NEVER KNOWING HOW DRUNK HE IS GONNA BE OR WHAT HE WILL SAY OR DO...THINGS HAVE BECOME SO MUCH WORSE THE PAST FEW YEARS....I DONT KNOW IF I AM CONVERTING BACK TO THE HELPLESS CHILD OR WHAT BUT I KNOW LONGER KNOW WHO I AM...I JUST TRY TO IGNORE HIM OR TAKE SO MANY PAIN AND SLEEPING PILLS SO I DONT HAVE TO SEE OR HEAR HIM...IT IS MY KIDS WHO ARE SUFFERING....I CANNOT MENTALLY HANDLE THIS ANYMORE BUT AT THIS PRESENT TIME WE HAVE NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS TO HELP AND NO MONEY....I HAVE FOUR KIDS AND A HOUSE FULL OF PETS I AM RESPONCIBLE FOR AND I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE,HELPLESS AND HOPELESS.I DESPERATELY WANT AND DREAM OF A NEW BEGINNING FOR ME AND MY KIDS,ONE WITH LOVE,LAUGHTER AND STABILITY,IT JUST DOESNT SEEM POSSIBLE.....I HAVE ALREADY LOST THE BATTLE WITH MY 18 YEAR OLD....ALLS HE WANTS TO DO IS PARTY AND HE HAS HIS FATHERS ANGER AND ITS ALL MY FAULT FOR NOT GETTING HIM OUT SOONER.....HELP ME PLEASE.....