Thank you so much for sharing this. The first one I opened hit very close to home for me. I'm sure this will help as I try to change.

This is amazing! WOWOWOWwwwww! Where to begin?
Thanks!

Well, let me expand. .....I have been thinking about something which i am sure is on the website you posted. I just have to dig in and read but here is the thought I ahve been having. How do you know in a relationship how needy is too needy ...what is normal? IS there a normal or is it just whatever feels right for both parties? Because I think i get either too enmeshed in the other person or then i can back way off and say "i dont really need anyone anyway" and get super independent...so hmmmm what is normal??

I just read the List of Healthy Boundaries part (1) excellent! There is so much info here, thanks again. Now, I just need to put it into practice.

I was reading about "emotional abuse" and thought I'd share...
.....
"it’s so common in our culture that we don’t consider it a problem. Alice Miller’s “For Your Own Good” (1980) describes this issue. And “Banished Knowledge” is about how we’re taught from early on to ignore being treated badly (T.) & how it feels (E.). People who are emotionally hurtful are everywhere & are usually oblivious to the effect they have. This includes people who:
– only talk & think about themselves (no room for us)
– don’t consider our personality when interacting to us (only their own)
– try to make us take care of them, make us feel guilty, be needy…..
– try to fix us with action-ideas, when we’re only needing empathy
– tell us what to do, how to think, how to feel
– tease us using things they know we’re sensitive about
– make a judgmental or belittling comment to us in front of others

ALSO, when someone is the butt of such treatment the people around them often validate pubic humiliation & thoughtless or cruel remarks by laughing, as if the comment was clever & amusing, or even cheering the perpetrator on – as long as it’s not being done to them! This applies to siblings, school mates, co-workers, club members… When we are the target – we feel terribly alone, hurt & angry.

Our Emotional Reactions
The most important thing to remember is that ALL CATEGORIES OF ABUSE CAUSE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. We need to notice how those actions or words make us feel emotionally – as in NOT happy!
UNDER – No matter how much we know about our issues, without doing deeper FoO work many ACoAs have a hard time even recognizing familiar abuses as they’re happening, much less feeling an emotional sting. Because we’re still numb to old pain & unloving toward ourselves, it’s very hard to connect our depression & S-H with being exposed to E.A."

Oh my gosh!

What a great resource. Thanks so much!!!

Thanks!