Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group

A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics

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hatred

nelliefay
nelliefay
today, I felt like I despise and hate my alcoholic abusers. They were my father and grandfather, and they sexually and sadistically abused me when i was little. I just hate them! I'm an alcoholic too, but I went for help early on and I don't understand why they didn't go for help too. There's so much help out there for alcoholics! I cringe when people talk about alcoholism as a disease, because from my own experience, I know there's a choice. You can keep feeling sorry for yourself and justifying the next drink, and being self deceitful - especially if you're abusing children - or you can listen to your guilt and remorse, and go for help.
Group FounderLisaACOA
LisaACOA
Nellie, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. (((HUGS))) I can't say I understand because I don't. I can say with the abuse that I have gone through in my own life; I wasn't able to heal until I forgave the people who have hurt me. That doesn't mean that you have to stay in contact with your abusers. Try to forgive them because they are very sick people and you holding on to that hatred will only hurt You. I have learned to forgive through Counseling, going to Church and being around loving people. I would also recommend that you start going to ACOA meetings in your area.

More HUGS, Lisa ACOA ~XX~
nelliefay
nelliefay
Hi, you're right. My hatred hurts me, but it's so deep and strong. After writing what I wrote here, I went to bed and prayed, practiced handing the hatred over to higher power. Praying to let go. What came to mind in a short space of time, was a few incidents when i really hurt someone, that I deeply regret. i figured it was no coincidence that this came to mind. another thing I think about is how compulsions have played out in my own life, how powerless i've felt in the face of them at times.
Right now, I don't feel the hatred, but when it returns, I'll keep praying. Don't think I'd go so far as to forgive, but I can practice letting go. Thanks for your reply. Oh, and I"ll check out ACOA.