Both sides of my family were saturated with Alcoholism. Holidays, which we traveled thousands of miles to go to , were warm , cozy but seriously , someone always got hurt. Whether emotionally, through verbal abuse( which creates just as much baggage, later in life as more sinister abuses) or physical abuse. But everyone just came back for more the next Holiday. At home , there were two Elephants , Mom and Dad they switched roles ,between Big Elephant and Little Elephant as to the acting out. . Camping , golf , tennis ,baseball , football and alot of rough made up games as I have 4 brothers. I'm know we had fun, but there also was alot of embarrassment , in front of groups of people do to drunkenness.. I just became The Lost boy, lots of time by myself to read , brood and stay out of the line of fire, I grew tired of of trying to fix the family.and like I said,isolation came at a early age. I picked up a drink.and crossed the line into Alcoholism before I was 18 and just became what I saw growing up.and as we all know , it was not a pretty site. I got sober after , not one of my worst nights drinking and I was 26. The answers I found were that, because I was raised in Alcoholic family coupled with my sensitive personality. I had to accept help in AA, Alanon ,Acoa ,and attend counseling just to stay sober and sane. I had to begin to get a sense of peace with all the garbage that had happened. Blame had to turn into healing, forgiveness and accountability for my actions.I guess that is the beauty of not having a choice in my upbringing and my Alcoholism. But the baggage from the past would not go away
without action and perseverance. If you can't tell I'm feeling a little vulnerable tonight and I'm sure some of you can identify..
Billy