Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I cant believe I am sitting here again....Its 5:12am and my drunken husband didnt think it was important enough to come home after leaveing at 4:00pm yesterday.Finally i hate myself but I gave in and called his buddies house.As usual he says he is doing nothing wrong.....I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who just worked hard at paying him back..I went through my own years of drinking but after a major car crash that I should have died ,I have had a whole new outlook on life and how i really dont need alcohol apart of it.I am sicked to know how it has ruined so many lives all around the world...When will people ever realize they are giveing up families who love them??? I am so tired of being in emotional pain and trying to fight what is obviously a looseing battle...How many of you adults have walked out of childhood homes filled with alcohol only to keep the tradition going by marrying an alcoholic??How do you cope year after year??
The good news is we can choose to live as a victim, or live as a survivor. To be a survivor we need to change our thining, our feelings, our actions. As long as we keep doing our lives the same way, our lives stay the same. I started changing my life by getting some books on adujlt children of alcoholics, studying them, and applying them to my life. I also went to meetings of Al anon which were oriented to those who had grown up in alcoholic and dysfunctional homes. It took a while, but my life is better today, in all ways, than I could ever have believed.
:)
My story is very similar to yours. Last weekend my husband pulled the same thing (he does it several times a month). I finally told him this wasn't working for me. If he wants to continue to live as a single man, coming and going as he pleases, that is fine-his choice, but I can no longer live this way. Told him if he wants to be my husband and partner as he promised to me before God, then he would have to choose to make some BIG changes! I intend to follow through, because I truly cannot live this way anymore. He has chosen to stay so far.
I attend weekly Alanon and ACoA meetings. It helps me to focus on the only person I can change, or have any ability to-myself. It is beginning to restore some sanity in my life. I am taking care of me-reguardless what my husband chooses to do. I cannot say that I have reached total serenity, but I know with my higher powers help, I am on my way.
Big Hugs!
Terri
(p.s. I live in NY also. you can PM me if you'd like)