Because (I'm guessing) it threatens your sense of control. At least that's why I've always been scared of it. Took me a long time to figure out the difference between control (largely an illusion) and power -- a real possibility, but which often requires, strangely enough, giving up control. I wrote an article on it you may find interesting: "Seven Kinds of Power" at http://www.breakingthecycles.com/blog/2011/04/26/seven-kinds-of-power/
best,
~ Steve

I think it's called "Conditioned Behavior", Bob. I do know the feeling.
I learned one concept in Mental Health Training "Recovery is a process of taking control of your life".
Easier said than done because I have been used to living my life the same way it was.
But, things have changed over the last year when the last of my relatives died.
He was "Toxic".
And, I honestly think that is the root cause of why I am the way I am. There was no love in my family at all..just loathing and hatred.
Now that these people are gone, I only associate myself with good people because Love can change You no matter what You have been through.
Hope this helps.

I think sometimes, well a lotta times, we are more comfortable on some level living in destructive and damaging dynamics than moving forward because we have been taught, like OnlyChild said, through conditioning, for most of us from the day we are born, to live that way. And we don;t have coping mechanisms, because we were never taught them, to embrace change and the pain we need to go through to achieve it.

I think (and this comes from me as being a longtime sober alcoholic in AA as well as an ACOA) that what needs to happen for change is to hit "rock bottom" in whatever area of your life is disfunctional, while at the same time, coming across a solution that works for your problem. I would strongly suggest that if being and ACOA is your primary problen, hit the OCOA and Alanon Meetings and get a sponsor and do the whole deal - immerse yourself in it, as well as seeing a therapist to help you even more.

I can tell you, that I, coming from a dramatic upbringing of violence and neglect then my own drinking career whcih caused me even more damage, REAL change is possible. Utilise those opportunities for change, move that butt of yours and get going and you will reap the benefits. I'm not saying it's not hard, but it's do-able and infinitely rewarding to live a different way of life.

Afraid of it? TERRIFIED! Snot slinging little girl lost terrified! The rug being pulled out from underneath me..ANY KIND OF .C H A N G E (good/bad) especially a suprise one....made me feel like I was gonna
die!!!! (All of this in private because I'm so compentent and cool ACOA to the world)......
AND THEN I DIDN'T DIE !!!...... I get older.... look back and see EVERY PAINFUL CHANGE was for my
highest good (hindsight is great)... THEN..... lighteningbolt of understanding........ THE ONLY THING I
CAN EVER COUNT ON IS THAT THINGS
C H A N G E.
Acceptance of "How I surf change in my life" will determine my happiness (read peace, mental health).
So Devastating Divorce?
Natural Disasters (hurricanes wiping me out)
Money? Health?
Still Surfing and less and less afraid with Higher Power and some facts.... ACOA'S WE NEVER GIVE
UP..... NOPE....CHANGE AND EVERYTHING ELSE DIDN'T KILL US.....
WE'LL SURF MORE CHANGE.
AND IT GETS EASIER AND EASIER
WITH TIME.....
HA'NG IN BROTHER..... YOU'LL CHANGE WITH THE CHANGES AND GETTING THROUGH IT A LITTLE
EASIER EACH TIME..... LIFE WILL
CHANGE
YOU!!! LOVE
DONNA

Change means letting go of something and LOSS. We grieve over the loss. We fear the change even though the change will apparently be good for us. Can we trust that it will be good for us?
Letting go of behaviors that we've had a very long time, that have worked for us over the years...what will we do in the future? when life gets very difficult? Who will model new behaviors for us? Who are the people who will try to stop us from changing, shame and get angry at us for daring to change? Will they leave us?

Change for me takes Courage and Reassurance from true friends. Change does not happen over night.
Change takes lots of practice.

sometimes change is good!
i say embrace it.
enjoy it.
be fearless.
and love yourself every step of the way!

Yes, change is scarey. For me, the C word means that I have to move with whatever's happening. In the past even when offered change for the good it scared me. What if it didn't work out? WOuld I beeworse off? I tried so hard to control my life. I've learned albeit slowly to admit I'm powerless over other people place and things. I can make choices but I can't control my outsides, just learn to work with my insides. As an adult child, I learned not to trust. Now I am working step one and learning that I can let go off others and leave that pain behind, and I am getting more acepting of life on lifes terms, I can choose serenity and chose to turn over to my HP, and wow it odes feel good when I do it'