I'm about to be 28, and regardless of the fact that my mom barely even understands how to use the internet, I fear the same things. I just joined this group because I realized how much I can't take it anymore and have a hard time as nobody around me seems to understand what it's like.

I'm the same, with virtually everything I do in my life. There's always that little voice in my head 'what will my mother think about this?' It's exhausting but very much ingrained in me and hard to ignore, I hope somehow we can find peace and escape the feelings of guilt and shame.

I just joined the group as well and totally understand your concern. One thing I have been noticing but not reading too much about is that my mom fully believes she has access to all of my private information and then can call me out on any of it - simply because she is my mother. That includes going through my toiletry bag to see the meds I am taking, reading messages over my shoulder as I type them on my phone, etc. It makes the walking on eggshells even harder when I realize i have to keep things out of sight from her when I visit, for fear she will find some information that sets her into a rage - such as the meds for example, she feels she has no need for them (ha!) and is terrified of what they will do to me. Since we are mostly sharing here, I thought I would just add these recent experiences as it seems to be a subtle part of what we have to deal with.

I can relate to I all of it. As soon as you can move out. I did when I was 23. My sister ended up taking the hit all by herself. I told her to move out n she finally did too. Anyway, I'm 45 now, married for 19 yrs with 2 kids. She's still rage war and explode on me on the occasional phone calls, which I told her I gotta go n hang up. And mostly when we visit her with my family. One thing is she's keeping face with my husband so she fusses quietly to me in mother language and mostly only raise hell when we're by ourselves. Many times during the last 2 yrs, I ran off toward my husband or upstairs and cried like a baby behind closed door. She would have followed me and banging and screaming the worst names and throwing a big fit outside my door (or sometimes physical thing like king my hairs and such ) if it wasn't for my step dad being in the next room. Even though they don't like each other anymore but she's still and always keeping up fake appreances of world best mother... To everyone else. I once asked her if she could please treat me like a stranger. lol.
After reading psychology today articles and posts on internets and this group. I gave up having any normal or loving relationship with her. I don't think she's capable, at least with me. I don't how our future hold when I actually have to take care of her when she older. I'm threading to think of those coming days. As much as I hate nursing home, she might end up in there before I gone mad. My tolorence is low now that I'm out and away from her negative or abusive influence. Good luck!!