Adult Children of a Borderline Parent Community Group
Not everyone has been blessed with a stable upbringing. Adult children of borderline parents come with their own set of troubles to deal with. Re-Learning boundries and finding clarity can be difficult. Join here and let us take this journey together.
I was sexually assaulted the second month of my freshman year of college. I didn't know who to go to because I thought it was my fault because I was drinking. I was left with bruises and some torn clothes. I reached out to a family friend that I trusted but they ended up not replying to me and immediately told my mom. She then reacted in typically BPD ways "How could this happen to me?! I was always supposed to keep you safe! How are we going to explain this to the family?! How dare this boy lay a finger on MY precious child. You know this sort of thing happened to me but my situation was far worse...(proceeds to tell me details that I said I didn't care to know)."
Family weekend rolled around and people in my family who said they would come to visit me never showed up. I always wondered how that happened and why no one showed up. They all had excuses that didn't quite make sense and they all canceled the day beforehand. So I was left alone feeling like it was my fault and that this was my punishment for being assaulted.
It's about about 4 years later, and my Grandma finally admitted to me that my mom threatened the family not to come and see me during this time. She told them that they would not have a relationship with her if anyone came to see me and that this weekend was about her and I having time together because "I needed her". She never showed up either. My Grandma apologized to me about it and said that even though I had told my mom not to tell anyone about my assault... she told them anyways and refused to stop talking about it.
So now I am living with this monster of a burden and I am struggling to even look at her contact in my phone. I'm at a point where I want nothing to do with her. My own mother used my assault as a platform to exploit me and spark drama to only gratify the voids she feels in herself.
If anyone has advice on what I should do that would be helpful. I'm currently mostly independent so cutting her off would not financially break me the only thing that is in her name is my cell phone, I pay everything else on my own.
So I have limited contact with her, I usually don't respond to her messages and see her less than a handful of times/year. Even when trying to confront the issue, any issue, it gets made all about her pain.
So I guess I'm stit figuring this out too.
I am 30 years old now and it has been about 3 years since I cut contact, It is the best thing I ever did - we had such a toxic relationship and I know now it was not a loving one. I have a daughter and I realised I did not want her experiencing a similar kind of fake love that I always had.
People tell me you only get one mum and that I'll regret my choice but I honestly won't. My brothers mother in law fell extremely ill and ended up in ICU and it was touch and go if she would make it. My mum chose this moment to tell everyone that she would probably die and they should deal with it and also pointed out that all of my brothers attention was on his MIL, meaning that he was neglecting her. The woman will never change.
Overall, my advice is to cut contact or to keep it as minimal as possible.
I had a similar experience. I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend when I was like 16 but I only told my friends and they had convinced me it was no big deal. Eventually I broke up with him and have had no contact since but I got the courage to tell my mom about it and the first thing she said was, "Why would you tell me this? You know it'll make me upset!" And that was that.