I sometimes really wonder about this. My mother really mostly cracked when my sister went to college and I got the grunt of it. But somehow since my sister was away she just seemed to miss it entirely and she doesnt have a lot of the problems I do.

I can only speak for me but i sure didn't. All kinds of problems but at that i'm more stable than my brother. He had 15 more years with my bp parent than I did.

Well I have PTSD and mild bipolar, a lot of baggage and issues from my childhood, but I've managed to graduate college, marry a good man, and have a child who I nurture, respect and work very hard with on establishing self esteem and boundaries. So in my case I'm not exactly "normal" but I work very hard to be as close to it as I can be given what cards I was dealt.

Nice question and discussion! I don't feel like I'll ever be normal, but I am for the most part happy and healthy - which is really a gift! Part of it is just seeing my childhood for what it is and learning about bpd and npd. Right now I'm trying to navigate being a good daughter to a mom with these disorders. Obviously I'll never make her happy - no one could, but I still feel like I should treat her with kindness and respect. The best way recently for me to acheive this is low contact. It amazes me how little toxicity and horrible self-talk I have the less contact I have with my mom - those awful self-conceptions and perceptions of the world have been with me through most of my life.

As one of my friends said to me: "Everyone is on the spectrum," so I wouldn't worry about being normal so much as fulfilling your potential and being the best version of yourself that you can be. Trying to achieve that perceived 'normal' reinforces our negative beliefs about ourselves so focus instead on the therapy to get healthy and functional - your sense of self will eventually emerge and, who knows, you may actually take great strength from not being 'normal'.

I don't know. I just learned that my mom probably has BPD a month ago. I don't feel like I'll ever have a healthy view of myself and of the world but it could happen. I'm in therapy and that is helping but I know it will be a long journey.

@fizzjog3000 I can relate! I live 1300 miles away from my mom and have very little contact with her--which she is VERY unhappy about. The distance has been the most healing thing for me. Thank you for sharing your experience!

I can relate to all the post. Culturally, I was taught to be respectful of yr parents and elderly but I've learn as an adult it has to be reciprocal not a one-way street. I'm now 45 yo and have 2 kids. I lived 600 miles away from my mother and only visit her 2-3 times per year. And occasional calls talking about trivial stuffs yet there are times she still exploded over the phone. I said I gottta go and hang up. When we visit and stay at her home, lately I couldn't take it, I just walked away, ran upstairs, closed door n cried. There are times, I couldn't help myself and burst out saying something back. Then ran away crying. I didn't know how abnormal my childhood and relationship with my world-best-mother is until recently. I guess I knew something was wrong since i had my first born 18yrs ago...but too busy and too scare to admit it fully. The word abused seems too big and it wouldn't have been my case. It my fault not being a good daughter and my mother is a god-sent who sacrificed her whole life for us. Now I realized she was terrorizingly abused by her stepmother and never realized she doing the same to us. So bottom line, I don't think I will ever be completely normal. Scars are invisibly there and so as the tendency to out-burst or going into hyper craze or rage mode Out of a mole hill, silly little things. My husband was in the same boat, and he's helping me a lot. It doesn't effected him as bad as me or his dad wasn't as bad...But, I'm trying very hard to heal myself, without having money for therapy sessions. The admission is the biggest step, my teen daughter started to talk to me again after I stop yelling or critizing for her own good. I'm learning about myself, what and when things make me tick. I've trying hard to take care of myself as a mother. I do yoga every day, trying also to meditate and listen to Buddhism teaching about letting go, forgiving and mostly about staying calm and even keel (not too excited or too depressed...bipolar type) all the times, my goal anyhow. It's a continuous struggle for me. I realized that I have to constantly remind myself to stay calm especially during pms period. Green tea matcha and ADHD diet no preservatives n other junks, together with yoga n mediation and Buddhist teaching lecture while drifting off to sleep. Also sleep regularly before 10pm helps. I'm fighting every seconds not to be like my mother. Ideally, I shouldn't have had kids but since I did. I'm fighting it with all my might. I think the key is You have recognize it, accept people and things you can't change and be willing and wanting the so-called normal life bad enough... To go to the changes yourself. Cry a lot if u needed too. Don't hold it up inside. Let all that hurts and negative energy out as much and as many ways as you can so you can heal properly. I buried mine in for years and suffered silently. Now, I cry at every change I get.

I'm also joining this support group like alcoholic joining AA meeting. I need a constant reminder as an adult child of bpd mental and verbal abusive parent(s) of what not to do to yr kids and significant other; and of how to love myself just the way I am so I can be happy and not drown in the pool of ever-so-tempting demonish of self-pity and self-deprecation. It's a difficult learning skills/habits for us but we can do it. Building ourselves back up one brick word at the time. Also I surround myself with people who accept me as-is and possitive happy friends.

I believe there r gifts to be bad when u accept ur journey and start really admiring yourself and your strength. All of my siblings and myself included have our things.. but we survived because of strong will. Strong dna. Sometimes it doesn't matter one way or another as long as u did survive.. and then what story u tell yourself about that. And how you view and nurture the parts of yourself u percieve to be broken. It's okay to love urself and nurse ur wounds. It's okay to fail. It's okay to wear a mask. It's okay to be vulnerable. When u accept ur vulnerability u find beauty and strength but also great great power. Not to be forgotten. My mother even with the body who was beaten by her grandmother reminded me of this on the phone. That there r little things u get that r valuable. And I do believe in the meaning she's found in it for herself. It's our stories our personal journeys that matter the most. We should write them always in the finest ink

I liked this post, because I so understood the responses and life experiences. Thank you so much for sharing. My mom will never acknowledge the truth, but here it's alive, and it exists. I feel like I can breath.
I think sharing our stories here, is a big step towards being whole. Normal? Maybe. But whole, yes.