Adult Children Estranged From Their Parents Community Group
This group is for Adult Children who decided to estrange from their parents. There are many reasons that Adult Children decide to estrange from their parents and it is never an easy choice. Feel free to post your personal stories and lets help each other as we grieve the parents that we do not have. We are not here to judge others, but to listen, help, heal, and make...
My N mother contacted my son the day after his birthday. She doesn't not get he doesn't want her gift of money. All he wants is her love. She thinks she can buy him back into her life. Then not treat him right. He is no longer available for her abuse. I am very proud for him for standing up to her. I just wish she'd leave him alone. It upset him but he knows what she is up too. The rest of the year he hears nothing from her. We do not miss the problems she caused in our lives.
But, I'm very aware that she's trying to buy my daughter, so we don't mention where these items come from and just produce them randomly.
Before I went NC we got very little from her, so not only is it transparent, it's kind of nice that she's at least making something of an effort, even if we all know the motivation is not one of love.
I'm trying to figure out how to best handle Christmas, should I send her a gift or not...I'm thinking the annual calendar of monthly photos of my daughter is something fair to send her.
I'm at an advantage with the atlantic ocean as a buffer.
My daughter however suffered for about 4months after spending only 10days with my mother, she's just about over it now and has been recalling benign and positive things about my mother.
We have to be careful to make sure she understands that it is entirely my choice not to have my mother in our lives, as she had (like most kids and aged only 3) thought it was her 'idea' or fault.
I am cross at myself for allowing her to have any time with my daughter after the incident when my daughter was 3wks old, my mother held her like a sack of potatoes and told her 'your mother is a bitch, just you come to me' and refused to help me get to the bathroom, even though I could not stand unaided, luckily i was siting high on a few pillows and had a crutch...she wanted me to serve her tea, coffee and food!
Are you still in contact with her?
My son is an adult and can see my mother for what she is. The only one she sent a Christmas card to was
my son. He wants nothing to do with her. My son thinks she is trying to ruin our Christmas.My mother wants
us to call her so she can get mad at us. I think if she cared she'd call and at least wish us a Merry Christmas.If you need to talk I am here.
Hugs
However my brother needs to keep up appearances, so he had me Skype with her twice at Christmas to show other people how great of a family we are.
He bought her gifts 'from me' and I didn't send her anything, although my daughter wanted to, and I don't see why not, she's 3 and said "Granny needs a box to keep her eye-glasses in so she doesn't loose them, can we send her one, maybe it will help her learn to be good, but that's not my job it's her job!"
She sent a tardis of gifts to my daughter, an unwanted necklace to me (she does that a lot, I get her scarves and jewelry that she doesn't like because they're too cheap for her, probably bought while drunk and always for herself) and my husband got a cook book from my homeland with recipes like liver and oat stuffed head of ling (fish head - nyom nyom).
She also kept asking my daughter about 'do you like the Maisy books I sent you' but it went over my daughter's head and we keep those books away for the most part.
It's all trying to buy her loyalty.
My 3 yr old sees through it all! - thank God!
It was actually really good for this to happen, because we just did another IVF and we got 3 viable embryos to use, they're frozen for now and I was able to tell her we're doing the frozen transfer at the end of the month...which will also get out out of jail free for attending her 65th birthday party this spring. AND I don't have to phone her later to let her know if it worked.
I'm NC again, all the contact was on my terms and despite her rude, harsh and spiteful ways I didn't come away with regret for having spoken to them/her...it was fairly indirect too.
On the second day they (my bro) managed to mumble something congratulatory...my infertility is a personal affront to them, and they're unhappy that I'd announce a tremendously successful IVF when I haven't produced a live born baby.
It's nice to know Im' not missing out by going NC.
I think for your son that he's right, she is trying to ruin your Christmas, or any other day, and that you each have the choice as to how to respond to her.
"Don't feed the monster".
Xxx
I think that NC is the only way to go in my situation.
You have a very smart 3 year old.
Hugs