Hello HazelWoodsman and welcome to the group! I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your parents. Have your parents continued to say negative things about your partner during the year you were reconciled?

I know how you feel about being tired of fighting, and sometimes it seems easier to just give in. I think that is the problem with many of us estranged adult children is that we don’t set boundaries with our parents early on, and then they think they can walk all over us for the rest of our lives. When I decided to set boundaries, I had let everything escalate unto the point that I was mad…I wish I would’ve said something sooner and not while angry.

Going no contact may help you heal. It helped me heal, but it took awhile and was a painful process at first. Some people limit contact instead of no contact. Maybe, you could explain to your parents that you need space for awhile to think things through and you’ll get back in contact when you’re ready. This might help ease the feeling of fighting.

Thanks for sharing your story, and remember we’re all in this together.
Big hugs!

I'm glad to read it's not only me who regrets not setting boundaries, thanks for replying with your experiences. It helps me figure out this whole mess and what I'm going to do. You're right about limited rather than no contact as an option, lessen the fall out as well as I know they won't simply comply with my request.

My parents and I have not spoken about this incident in person, only by email and the last email they maintain that I need to get him to modify his behaviour as they see it as unnacceptable. Nothing they have said or done, except ignore the situation, has given me any indication of them changing thier opinion. In all honesty, they're quite baffling because it's not my boyfriend whose controlling my behaviour or manipulating me it's them.

I've realised they don't want this imaginary abuse for me and they want a change to come from him and they don't see what they've said as being out of order and incorrect. Silly parents, thinking I've no mind of my own and I'll simply let a man dictate my behaviour. I'm 28 and perfectly capable of handling my affairs, perhaps now I've outgrown the need for my parents for support they're finding it hard to let go of control.

Thank you so much for reading and helping

You're not cold or callous... At least you plan on going back. I've cut my parents out forever, lol. The way I see it, they wasted my time and held me back from becoming successful sooner. That's evidence they have no point but to be harmful but I had hardcore toxic parents; they never did anything for my benefit. They only cared about harming my mentality.

My ex girlfriend's parents were kind of like yours. They said the usual, "parties too much, college drop out, no direction, immature..." I said on the other line, "so, all that makes her happy. She doesn't want someone well rounded, she's not looking for someone to take care of her, she's a big girl; she can take care of herself - that's how well you raised her" Her mother started screeching, something about me being sarcastic (when I wasn't) . Didn't hear the rest because my gf took the phone away by then.

I think her mom got mad because my girlfriend was laughing but my gf said she's mad because I'm arguing - though I wasn't. I advised my girl to just lie and tell them we broke up since I figure, it'll make her parents stop nagging and she can still like me. She then said she doesn't want to do that and I figure that she just doesn't like her parents very much and was using me as an excuse, which is understandable (didn't say that to her). The reality is, they want her to marry someone that makes THEM feel more comfortable; not someone who makes HER happy.

I won't lie, sometimes I do wonder if its me because all the girls I date have parents who hate me and I don't know why. Sure I'm the leather jacket, bohemian stereotype but I don't cheat or verbally abuse or do drugs or leech.