I think the full story is often not told about adoption. You are told you are doing the right thing and that there will be a happy ending. Perhaps someday things will change but right now I feel like I was too naive and ill-prepared.

I adopted a young teenager from foster care and thought there would be a life long family formed. Long story short (mostly because I hate pecking on this phone!). ED estranged suddenly at 19 after a very turbulent number of years as my "daughter" , ran off with a guy she didn't know, was taken in by BF's family, got married, had baby, and hooked back up with birth family all while estranged from me. She has slower intellect as does her husband, his family and probably her birth family. All live in poverty conditions with some drug use and in general very dysfunctional. Then, when she and hubby broke up 5 months later she and baby moved back with me. I became very attached to GD but could finally start to see that ED had never bonded with me to start. I admit to and have apologized for my many years of angry reactions, yelling, etc. while trying to raise ED as a teenager. I was frustrated beyond my limits While I made many mistakes I also think I did a lot of good for ED and she knew I was fully committed to her and loved her. She had antisocial behaviors that most people were not aware of and I did my best with those circumstances as well. The move home did not go well mostly because she didn't live up to her end of the deal and she left with baby after 5 months mostly because I would not allow her to give a large lump sum welfare check to a con artist and his mother who were trying to milk her for whatever they could get. Within 2 days she had moved in with birth mom and birth mom's married BF - both of whom ED barely knew, although ED was 9 when removed from BM's "care" due to neglect and other issues. (I think con artist more or less dropped out of the picture once he got his money although he might have snagged another check)

Well I was allowed to pick up GD from her new home in the ghetto and I keep her overnight every weekend for 7 months. Oddly enough ED continued to call me, mostly to chat about baby who we both loved. Bio mom and talked a couple times but she resisted my suggestions that we both work together for baby's sake. She seemed threatened by me and I can understand that because I felt threatened as well. I later found out that ED was playing us against each other probably to prove her loyalty to whichever one she happened to be talking to at the time. I never made her choose one of us over the other but I think the BM did because one day when I showed up to pick up baby, nobody opened the door and just like that I was out of GD's life. That was 6 months ago. I emailed ED a couple very short notes saying that I love her and GD. She said she feels bad about how we "ended" yet does nothing to fix the situation. She had told me via my last phone conversation with her 6 months ago that bio mom said she would kick her out if she made contact with me or let me have visits with baby. This may or may not be true.

Bottom line is that I have grown thru this pain and am now to the point where I am trying to forgive, love, and pray for all of us involved. I miss ED and especially innocent baby so much and the hurt is constant although sometimes just a deep part of me. I will never be the same. I haven't written on any of these estrangement sites for quite some time because of some unkind and unhelpful discussions that occurred. I do need to participate more, though, because I think something is missed by just reading the posts and not interacting as well. This is a Daily Strength site for adoptive parents that I would like to see activated again. If you know of other estranged parents who are on either side of adoption please invite them to participate. Also when you reply or post, don't forget to check the little box indicating that you want to be emailed when others reply to the topic.