Adoptive Parents of Estranged Children Community Group
Did your adopted teen/adult child reject you and sever all family ties? Come and share heartaches and comfort with others in the same situation as we try to piece our families back together. We particularly welcome adoptees who were estranged from their adoptive families and want to share how they found their way back home.
Hi,
I have 2 adopted children. Younger child, son, is doing fantastic. My older, ED, left us over 6 years ago, shortly after she turned 18. She has had no contact with us. The kids are not related. Both were adopted at 2 days old.
We tried to have biological children and could not, so we adopted. We were so happy when we adopted ED. She made us a family. Then when son came along, we could not have been happier.
We have open adoptions with both birthmothers. Son's birth mom and her parents are stable. ED's birth mother and her birth father, that I have not met, do not seem to be that stable. Their lifestyle is very different from ours.
ED started struggling when she 12. We sent her to many psychologists and even sent her to a residential treatment center for 9 months. No substance abuse, cutting her self. She came home from center and was good for 9 months, then started struggling again. Close to high school graduation she ran away. Long story, but she came back after 6 weeks. She left again a month later and has never returned and she has never contacted us. I have tried a few times, as have my sisters, no response.
Fast forward to what I know about her now. She is living in a different state. She has two children, although she lost custody of the first child. I don't believe she sees her bio mother and bio father (they are not married to each other), but I think she is FB friends with bio mother. I am not sure if she is living with father of second child.
The father of the first child, is the boy she dated in high school. He got married and lives in our neighborhood with his father. My grandson lives with him. I saw ex-BF at grocery store. I asked him if I could have a relationship with grandson. He has not responded to me. I told him I would not pursue any legal action. My ED spread lies about us. I am not sure if that is why he won't let us have relationship with grandson, but I am not going to deal with that. The loser is the grandson. We would be great grandparents. I am saving my grandparenting for when my son has children.
This situation breaks my heart. I can't figure out why God gave her to us and then took her away. Not sure if she has adoption issues, never bonded with or has borderline personality disorder.
I have pretty much moved on. I can't change her, I can only change me. I only have one life to live and I am going to live it. My son has a great girlfriend and she will come over and do girlie things with me, so that helps me a lot.
If I think of all the adopted people I know, it is only a good story about 50% of the time. Even with all the heartache, I am happy we adopted both children. I have gotten to do the mom things I wanted to do.
I am sorry for all of us that we have to be on this site.
I have 2 adopted children. Younger child, son, is doing fantastic. My older, ED, left us over 6 years ago, shortly after she turned 18. She has had no contact with us. The kids are not related. Both were adopted at 2 days old.
We tried to have biological children and could not, so we adopted. We were so happy when we adopted ED. She made us a family. Then when son came along, we could not have been happier.
We have open adoptions with both birthmothers. Son's birth mom and her parents are stable. ED's birth mother and her birth father, that I have not met, do not seem to be that stable. Their lifestyle is very different from ours.
ED started struggling when she 12. We sent her to many psychologists and even sent her to a residential treatment center for 9 months. No substance abuse, cutting her self. She came home from center and was good for 9 months, then started struggling again. Close to high school graduation she ran away. Long story, but she came back after 6 weeks. She left again a month later and has never returned and she has never contacted us. I have tried a few times, as have my sisters, no response.
Fast forward to what I know about her now. She is living in a different state. She has two children, although she lost custody of the first child. I don't believe she sees her bio mother and bio father (they are not married to each other), but I think she is FB friends with bio mother. I am not sure if she is living with father of second child.
The father of the first child, is the boy she dated in high school. He got married and lives in our neighborhood with his father. My grandson lives with him. I saw ex-BF at grocery store. I asked him if I could have a relationship with grandson. He has not responded to me. I told him I would not pursue any legal action. My ED spread lies about us. I am not sure if that is why he won't let us have relationship with grandson, but I am not going to deal with that. The loser is the grandson. We would be great grandparents. I am saving my grandparenting for when my son has children.
This situation breaks my heart. I can't figure out why God gave her to us and then took her away. Not sure if she has adoption issues, never bonded with or has borderline personality disorder.
I have pretty much moved on. I can't change her, I can only change me. I only have one life to live and I am going to live it. My son has a great girlfriend and she will come over and do girlie things with me, so that helps me a lot.
If I think of all the adopted people I know, it is only a good story about 50% of the time. Even with all the heartache, I am happy we adopted both children. I have gotten to do the mom things I wanted to do.
I am sorry for all of us that we have to be on this site.
Jakmom, it's so good to hear from you and thank you for sharing your story. Our stories are similar. I so hope you will be allowed to have a relationship with your grandson, but there is always the risk that you will be cut out again as happened to me. However, I would not trade that experience since I never had a baby in my life up close and personal. Today I will be working in the church nursery so I will get a baby fix, but it's also painful.
Good day and may God bless and lead us all.
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Hello everyone. I am new. I adopted four infants, two weeks or less in age. I still remember my father saying: why are you signing up for other people's problems. Three of my four children are nice kids individually, but are influenced in the group by their toxic narcissistic sister and their father. I wonder whether I would have ever adopted if I knew then what I know now.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/christian-adoptive-parents-later-estranged
How old are your EC's now? I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. Wish we did not have to bear this pain and suffering, but I think it is necessary to build our character, right? LOL