Adopted adults Community Group
Adults who want to talk about adoption experiences. Also people who would like to make friends w/people with similar experiences.
I am new here to DS but after perusing a lot of threads, I feel comfortable sharing some of my story.
This is difficult to share but it seems alot of folks can relate to the pain so here goes:
My birthmother Beverly had an affair outside of her 2nd marriage and I was the result of that. She "gave me away" at 25 months to my adoptive mother "Dot."
Dot raised me the best way she possibly could with bipolar and other issues..Her husband was subjected me to severe mental, physical, and sexual abuse from around age 4 to age 12 or 13.
I went to OK with the notion of having a wonderful relationship with Beverly but was very disappointed when she was not so receptive. Over the years we exchanged an occasional letter and I sent her cards on birthdays and holidays.
My adoptive mother passed and I took it extremely hard(and still struggle) with my grief. This made me want to forge a relationship even more with Beverly..I guess I felt like I could fill a hole in my heart, I don't know.
Two years ago, our entire (biological) family had the first and only reunion in OK...There we were..all 8 of her kids and a few spouses and grandkids..It was very strange; a microcosm of personalities but almost all damaged in some way or another. I made peace with Beverly and forgave my hard feelings.
It was a remarkable breakthrough that I had waited 38 years to have. I learned of Beverly's mental problems(bipolar, depression, etc) and her legacy (7 of 8 kids on some form of pyschotrophic medication) so I felt less like an outcast.
A year ago this month, Beverly passed away after a sudden illness and once again, all 8 of us came together again...I find great difficulty in public crying as I am private with my grief so I might have come across as aloof but I guess I process things differently than most of my sibs. I allow myself to "fall apart" when I get home and where I feel my most safe.
In September of this year, I had to go back to OK because my older brother Tim passed. It was surreal to look at the faces of my siblings; all of us still raw from losing the woman who gave us life. I barely knew Tim other than the few interactions I had with him were filled with his homophobic/racist insults..I had to remind myself that he was a human being with half of my DNA...
One brother,one sister, and I stayed with Tim as he drew his last breath...It was strange trying to figure out how to feel but as a former hospice nurse, I was able to compartmentalize my emotions.
I find myself very touchy lately with my emotions and worry that I will just start blubbering and not be able to stop..The holidays are always so tough but this year I miss Beverly too. I can't pick up the phone and call her even though I did the other day only to hang it up before the first ring. I just few raw and it sucks.
Thanks for reading..I know it sounds like a soap opera. Any thoughts on how to cope?
And many hugs to those dealing with grief this time of year.
This is difficult to share but it seems alot of folks can relate to the pain so here goes:
My birthmother Beverly had an affair outside of her 2nd marriage and I was the result of that. She "gave me away" at 25 months to my adoptive mother "Dot."
Dot raised me the best way she possibly could with bipolar and other issues..Her husband was subjected me to severe mental, physical, and sexual abuse from around age 4 to age 12 or 13.
I went to OK with the notion of having a wonderful relationship with Beverly but was very disappointed when she was not so receptive. Over the years we exchanged an occasional letter and I sent her cards on birthdays and holidays.
My adoptive mother passed and I took it extremely hard(and still struggle) with my grief. This made me want to forge a relationship even more with Beverly..I guess I felt like I could fill a hole in my heart, I don't know.
Two years ago, our entire (biological) family had the first and only reunion in OK...There we were..all 8 of her kids and a few spouses and grandkids..It was very strange; a microcosm of personalities but almost all damaged in some way or another. I made peace with Beverly and forgave my hard feelings.
It was a remarkable breakthrough that I had waited 38 years to have. I learned of Beverly's mental problems(bipolar, depression, etc) and her legacy (7 of 8 kids on some form of pyschotrophic medication) so I felt less like an outcast.
A year ago this month, Beverly passed away after a sudden illness and once again, all 8 of us came together again...I find great difficulty in public crying as I am private with my grief so I might have come across as aloof but I guess I process things differently than most of my sibs. I allow myself to "fall apart" when I get home and where I feel my most safe.
In September of this year, I had to go back to OK because my older brother Tim passed. It was surreal to look at the faces of my siblings; all of us still raw from losing the woman who gave us life. I barely knew Tim other than the few interactions I had with him were filled with his homophobic/racist insults..I had to remind myself that he was a human being with half of my DNA...
One brother,one sister, and I stayed with Tim as he drew his last breath...It was strange trying to figure out how to feel but as a former hospice nurse, I was able to compartmentalize my emotions.
I find myself very touchy lately with my emotions and worry that I will just start blubbering and not be able to stop..The holidays are always so tough but this year I miss Beverly too. I can't pick up the phone and call her even though I did the other day only to hang it up before the first ring. I just few raw and it sucks.
Thanks for reading..I know it sounds like a soap opera. Any thoughts on how to cope?
And many hugs to those dealing with grief this time of year.
so sorry you had such a hard time, its soooo common though. i think 50 percent of the people out there are abused, they just don't talk about it. alanon is a great area for support of any kind of abuse because abuse is abuse, doesn't matter what made it happen.
i hope you feel better. xxoo