acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Wow, way too long since I've been here!! I've needed to be here, but just have somehow substituted other things in my life for what I thought were things I really "needed"......not the case though. Never is. I've been pretty angry lately....okay....REALLY feeling anger lately. Put a lot of thought into it....think I have it figured out....feeling controlled by financial stuff.....bills and more bills that sit in my draw...weighing on my mind. Keeping feelings in from my significant other that I had desperately needed to get out, feeling controlled by so many other outside things.....feeling almost suffocated by things that are not so much in my control.
On a positive note.....a while back, I would have been obliviously to why I felt this way....now at this point in my life, I am signaled by these feelings of anger and I'm able to say..."Hey...something's wrong here...something's going on." Warning bells so to speak!!......So thankful for those "bells."
On a positive note.....a while back, I would have been obliviously to why I felt this way....now at this point in my life, I am signaled by these feelings of anger and I'm able to say..."Hey...something's wrong here...something's going on." Warning bells so to speak!!......So thankful for those "bells."
Anger has always been a Struggle for me when I am overwhelmed as well, Went thru a bout with it myself about a month ago, didn't do much more then Cry & Cuss, but Things have slowly begun to help me get grounded again! And i had to start with ME of course...
The Financial stuff is a piece of my anger as well, seems everyone is struggling & our small business is no differant! Its been Tough, but I have been Humbled a time or two along the way, but I'm Truly Grateful for that! I Needed it!
So Grateful you Come Back for a Visit! Hope to hear more from you again soon :) Ever Need to Lighten the Load I'm Here! :) Keep Coming Back....
ONENESS :)
I believe self-awareness is one of the early casualties of a dysfunctional childhood - it gets twisted into a heightened "other-awareness" that we need to survive. Getting that self-awareness back is one of the great gifts of recovery, at least in my mind.
Great to see ya... I've always liked a saying I heard in AA many years ago, "Anger is nothing more then fear turned inside out." Whenever I'm angry, behind it all is a fear. And usually the fear turns into anger because I have no idea of what to do... I am so grateful that, with time, anger is less and less in me... rarely do others see it and I really don't hold it in either...
On another note, those thoughts with bills... oh how I had them for so many years. I hated looking at them, I hated the phone, I hated the mail... everyone seemed to want money and I honestly didn't have any. I just had no idea how to get out of debt... and the messages I received as a child were that I had no brains (common sense) to manage money. I lived with that for many years.
A little over three years ago I divorced and had a mountain of debt. Guess what? I do have common sense! Last month, I paid the last bill off. I am 100% debt free. Something I never imagined I could do and something I never dreamed I would try and do.
Out of all the things I have learned in recovery, paying off all those bills, has brought me the most gratitude. Not because I can answer the phone and not be in fright but rather because I erased a message from my past and it has felt so good to know that I do have the brains and common sense to do it...
Dave
Thanks again:)