acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Through my time in 12 Step Fellowships the one thing I have learned about myself is that I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I am not embarrassed to show them or to recognize them. Some folks though take that as being fake or even something beyond recovery.
I have never had any other intention in recovery then recovery. I have never looked at any fellowship whether it is online or in person as a dating service. This is who I am. Nothing more and nothing less.
I often say it to people I have sponsored that it is easy to talk the talk. It really takes very little effort to be that way. That to me though is not recovery. I do have the experience of having a heck of a life to relate to many subjects that people share.
From sexual and physical abuse as a child to being physically abused by my first wife. Abused to the point that I feared for my life. I have been homeless and eaten out of garbage cans. I share this now to make my point. I do not look at recovery as a means of being one up on anybody nor do I look at it as a means to get a date or anything else.
I share this stuff because it is who I am. My past has helped me understand where are others are coming from and where they have been. It is not phony and there is not any ulterior motives associated with it.
For me it means that I have went from talking the talk to walking the talk. Last week something happened that really made me look in the mirror to see if what I was doing was real. And I came away knowing it is real.
I can not change another persons reactions or thoughts from the way I act. It is who I am. And what I am is an alcoholic and a codependent and an adult child who is trying his best to stay in tune with my emotions and my feelings.
When I am upset my return to a spiritual center is done by writing and sorting it all out with my HP. And what I have found is that I am grateful for this second chance at life and that all I am doing is walking the talk.
I wrote a poem about it and made a short video with these thoughts. I hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kksKL4hXcvM
I have never had any other intention in recovery then recovery. I have never looked at any fellowship whether it is online or in person as a dating service. This is who I am. Nothing more and nothing less.
I often say it to people I have sponsored that it is easy to talk the talk. It really takes very little effort to be that way. That to me though is not recovery. I do have the experience of having a heck of a life to relate to many subjects that people share.
From sexual and physical abuse as a child to being physically abused by my first wife. Abused to the point that I feared for my life. I have been homeless and eaten out of garbage cans. I share this now to make my point. I do not look at recovery as a means of being one up on anybody nor do I look at it as a means to get a date or anything else.
I share this stuff because it is who I am. My past has helped me understand where are others are coming from and where they have been. It is not phony and there is not any ulterior motives associated with it.
For me it means that I have went from talking the talk to walking the talk. Last week something happened that really made me look in the mirror to see if what I was doing was real. And I came away knowing it is real.
I can not change another persons reactions or thoughts from the way I act. It is who I am. And what I am is an alcoholic and a codependent and an adult child who is trying his best to stay in tune with my emotions and my feelings.
When I am upset my return to a spiritual center is done by writing and sorting it all out with my HP. And what I have found is that I am grateful for this second chance at life and that all I am doing is walking the talk.
I wrote a poem about it and made a short video with these thoughts. I hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kksKL4hXcvM
I still struggle with the concept of selfishness in the program - in that somehow my default setting is to be selfish. (OOPs! guess I'm talking AA here)I refuse to accept that. Yes I may have my moments - I guess that's human - but it is not a default setting for me and I refuse to be brainwashed into thinking otherwise.
I have recently yet again felt the cold shoulder of somebody who disagrees with me reading other philosophies on life and telling me I will lose touch with my Higher Power. I cannot accept that.
For me, life is about being kind caring and loving to others and just as importantly, and this is where I can struggle - to be those things to myself. It is not always possible for me to be those things with others but hopefully I can learn to try and alsways be gentle and kind to myself.
Lovely video Dave...and wonderful sentiment. Not saying I always get things right in recovery but I know for sure i have the honesty to adnit my weaknesses and not try to carry a message I simply don't have.
My message is that I have gained recovery through these wonderful steps even with ALL my imperfections and that it is there for others too if they would like to hear about my experience. There are other ways too no doubt!
BIG hugs to you Dave! At one point in my life I thought I should stop smiling at folks - be it on the bus or in a meeting for fear of giving out the wrong message. A lovely lady said to me to NEVER stop being yourself Karen. Carry that smile with you and don't allow it to be dampened through fears like that.
You do the same Dave!!!! That's an order! *smiling* Please don't change your beautiful ways because others may misinterpret you! That would be sad and a waste of the joy and love you carry.
Love to everyone!
karen xx
Always... Great Post... I have to 1st agree with (((((Karen))))) DON'T Ever Change who you are for anyone but yourself, you are your own Self,... Let it be True :0)
As for Me, I do at times "Struggle" with a Constant Roll of Walking the Talk!!! For the most Part I do see Many improvements to my Cody adult Child Ways... Do I at times Feel like it isn't enough... Why Shore... I Always Get an "A" In bashing myself, for that is why when I go forward, even just a Weeee Bit, I Catch myself Looking Back sayin "Yep... You Buck'd that up as Well"....
I have a Hard time Allowing myself to SEE the Good in ME! Now I Can Point them out in Each of YOU! But for Me, it is hard to see at times, because I believe if I start Feeling like I Did Good! Then Someone will be along to rip the rug out... :(
I know that I am Still Learning the Program, and I do Try my best to stay with it, and I do try to keep a Contstant Channel open to my HP and tune in as Much as Possible to the Spiritual Side of me, for to me, that alone is what will help me "Save" myself from Myself...My FAITH...
Really gives me things to think about so thank you for Sharing as Always... I've hit the path of Many "Fake & Misleading" People in my life, and I can honestly say that i Never Felt you to be One of those People, I admire your Honesty, and your Growth, and It shows me that I too Must Keep on Keeping On...
Soooo Mr. Dave... Thank You for being YOU! Just the Way you Are ! One Day At a Time...
Love, Hugs & Prayers Always ....
1Ness :0)
When you think about that, isn't it a miracle how beautifully 12 Step programs work? As different as we all are - with different needs, different problems, different perspectives, different gifts - the program still strikes enough of a universal chord to be helpful to millions...millions who are helping each other in recovery.
I think there comes a point where we make the program our own. I believe it happened for me last week in the midst of all those conversations with God I was having. Therein lies a couple of salient points for me: I can't use someone else's program as a template for my own; I have to figure it out for myself. ("Take what you need and leave the rest.") That takes time, effort, and especially an authentic relationship with one's Higher Power.
Certainly there are groups that are healthy and those that aren't so much. I would venture to say that those that aren't so healthy have lost sight of the 12 Traditions and 12 Concepts - observing those goes a long way towards the health of a group.
Great video, Dave; thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for being who you are Dave... an inspiration, a gifted communicator, a humanitarian.
thanks everyone for your kind words...
Found this In the Newest Forum :) Sounded like it fit in hope you don't mind a Shared it here.... :)
Those I have Hurt Deserve to hear an apolofy for the heart
because it had been my behavior that tore us all apart
And making amends for those past wrongs can only offer hope
Since I seeit as a Healing balm that will give me strength to cope
And not only do my apologies ask forgiveness for past wrongs
They will be a constant reminder not to sing those same old songs.
Because when I tell another that I am trying to change my ways
I'm holding myself responsible for showing them better days
Pouring out my heart & being honest may clean the slate for now
But I'll need to walk the talk before I take that Humble bow
Whats the purpose of apologizing with no intention to change my lifestyle?
Those humble admissions will be my strength to walk the extra mile
If Friends & Family support my recovery it'll be a success for all
But if someone should not forgive me I hope th stand Tall
Because in my heart I wi9ll always know I tried to make amends
But what matters most is that God Forgives Me-
For that is where my eternity depends ....
By: Joe O Arizona ...