acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
I have an assignment for my NLP class that I really struggled with. I won't go into details of the idea behind it... but I had to go back to my childhood and find at least three successes I had that made me feel really good and then three "learnings" where I did something good but I could have done a little more to make it a success.
The learnings were easy. My childhood was a constant learning experience and if I thought it was a success I was quickly told that I could have done better.
I really struggled with this... I didn't want a success to be something that I thought others thought was great... but something I thought was spectacular at that time. And I also didn't want a success that possibly came about by harming or hurting someone else.
I finally got to the point where I had to be a child again and look through my life through the eyes of a child... and this is what I came up with... nothing to big as an adult but as a child they were my own personal measure of success...
One success was when I was seven years old. My mom was passed out drunk and dad would be home shortly and if no dinner was on the table all hell would break loose. So I made dinner. It was a can of chicken noodle soup and after reading the label, it said to add extra flavor try adding some veggies, so I added some peas from a can. I even knew then that just soup wouldn't be enough for my dad's dinner so I also made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That was the first time I ever turned on the oven or made something to eat...
Second success was when I was nine years old... after a terrible T-Storm a birds nest fell out of the tree and I raised those three baby birds until they could fly on their own. They slept next to my bed and I had a heat lamp on them at nights and an eye dropper and some crushed cereal and milk next to it. They woke me up every two hours but I did it. They all survived and were eventually set free.
My third success was in sports... I was 11 years old and played basketball for our grade school team. I was never a scoring threat. I was tall and played to protect the basket and get rebounds... well one game I scored nine points. The whole year which was about a dozen games I scored maybe 15 points... nine in that one game.
As an adult, nothing to brag about... but as a kid they were a story of success!!!!
My "learnings?"
One was when I was 9 years old and called the cops to have my dad arrested for hitting mom... the laws were different then and they didn't do nothing... I did the right thing by calling but I never called again... I should have kept calling
Two was another sports story... I was 13 and the quarterback for our town football team... every game I called the same three plays over and over and over again... I was scared to death to go outside my comfort zone... I was a good quarterback... though I could have thrown the ball and been great
And finally, one more football story. Now I'm 17 years old and the starting offensive tackle. I was good and dependable. The quarterback never was sacked because of someone getting past me. Anyway, my last game I was across the line from a 300 pound defensive tackle. My fears through the whole year were right in front of me. I played tackle but was scared to be hit... well the first play that guy rung my bell... LOL... after that my fear left and I played the best game of my high school career... if only I let myself get hit earlier in the year hard telling how good I could have been...
I just wanted to share my successes and learnings through the eyes of a child/teenager... the other thing about this exercise was to throw away anything negative about the learnings... just remember the good
A difficult assignment for me...
Dave
The learnings were easy. My childhood was a constant learning experience and if I thought it was a success I was quickly told that I could have done better.
I really struggled with this... I didn't want a success to be something that I thought others thought was great... but something I thought was spectacular at that time. And I also didn't want a success that possibly came about by harming or hurting someone else.
I finally got to the point where I had to be a child again and look through my life through the eyes of a child... and this is what I came up with... nothing to big as an adult but as a child they were my own personal measure of success...
One success was when I was seven years old. My mom was passed out drunk and dad would be home shortly and if no dinner was on the table all hell would break loose. So I made dinner. It was a can of chicken noodle soup and after reading the label, it said to add extra flavor try adding some veggies, so I added some peas from a can. I even knew then that just soup wouldn't be enough for my dad's dinner so I also made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That was the first time I ever turned on the oven or made something to eat...
Second success was when I was nine years old... after a terrible T-Storm a birds nest fell out of the tree and I raised those three baby birds until they could fly on their own. They slept next to my bed and I had a heat lamp on them at nights and an eye dropper and some crushed cereal and milk next to it. They woke me up every two hours but I did it. They all survived and were eventually set free.
My third success was in sports... I was 11 years old and played basketball for our grade school team. I was never a scoring threat. I was tall and played to protect the basket and get rebounds... well one game I scored nine points. The whole year which was about a dozen games I scored maybe 15 points... nine in that one game.
As an adult, nothing to brag about... but as a kid they were a story of success!!!!
My "learnings?"
One was when I was 9 years old and called the cops to have my dad arrested for hitting mom... the laws were different then and they didn't do nothing... I did the right thing by calling but I never called again... I should have kept calling
Two was another sports story... I was 13 and the quarterback for our town football team... every game I called the same three plays over and over and over again... I was scared to death to go outside my comfort zone... I was a good quarterback... though I could have thrown the ball and been great
And finally, one more football story. Now I'm 17 years old and the starting offensive tackle. I was good and dependable. The quarterback never was sacked because of someone getting past me. Anyway, my last game I was across the line from a 300 pound defensive tackle. My fears through the whole year were right in front of me. I played tackle but was scared to be hit... well the first play that guy rung my bell... LOL... after that my fear left and I played the best game of my high school career... if only I let myself get hit earlier in the year hard telling how good I could have been...
I just wanted to share my successes and learnings through the eyes of a child/teenager... the other thing about this exercise was to throw away anything negative about the learnings... just remember the good
A difficult assignment for me...
Dave
The contrast of the sometimes vicious harsh upbringing that you have shared, with your gentle loving care of those baby birds just touched me very deeply.
Thanks For Sharing... Im sure the Assignment was Tough... For me it would have to go back to "remembering" all those Good times, that Got Over shadowed by the Negative... I know they were there, I know I Over came Alot... But Sometimes I think My Inner Child, Still Sits on them as well, Still Wondering if they were Really or Imagined...
Good For you for having hte Courage to Do Such an Assignment, and Thank You For Coming to Share it with us... Your Program work is Amazing... And You have Taught me So Much...
Much Love, Hugs, Prayers & Support Coming your Way =)
1Ness....
Not financially and certainly not materially, I don't own a fancy car... in fact I'm happy if my car makes it to the grocery store every two weeks. I don't own a house and live in a small one bedroom apartment... yet I feel like I am very successful.
This project was about my timeline. It is for people who are "stable" as far as mentally fit... yet things still don't seem to be quite right. The idea is that we can change the past. Not physically but rather the way we view it and remember it.
I used to be able to sit and tell you every detail of my life and in a way enjoyed telling you about it. Recovery taught me that it was OK to look at the past, but don't dwell on it. So the details began to fade and acceptance and forgiveness followed. But the facts of the way I saw the past were still there.
This exercise changed the way I could view my past. It wasn't all misery... I did somethings that for me as a child were very fulfilling and yes fun. By remembering this past... the other past fades away a little more... and just saying that proves to me that recovery does work...
Dave