acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
It has been a very long time for me here. I believe I last posted in December of 2013. I am currently part of a recovery group....6 of us total in a therapy group that has been so wonderful for me that I attend once a week. One thing I have discovered as a result of being in this group is that when it comes to my relationships with others, I tend to keep a safe distance emotionally.....as sort of a protective mode. I "limit" my involvement and how much I expose of myself without even really realizing it. It protects me from disappointment and rejection and just feeling things I'm not willing to accept and feel and basically deal with.
Recently, my therapist had to cancel our weekly meeting two weeks in a row. No explanation, just had to cancel. Tonight in group, members expressed how difficult it was not knowing what the reason was (many of us were worried about her and what might be going on because this was so unlike her). Many expressed their feelings of vulnerability and anxiety not being able to meet with her and the group. When it came to me, I merely said that I just went in to "just do it" mode and went about my business not really feeling anything in particular and not putting too much into it. I went in to "I will handle it on my own" mode like I have always done in the past. My therapist was asking me if I thought their was a "disconnect" between the two of us that caused me to feel this way.
On the way home from group tonight, something dawned on me. When I was a member of the message recovery board prior to this...(honestly can't remember the name) where Dave was the leader, and I found out that he was leaving, I was truly affected by that. I remember feeling scared, sad, alone, and just felt an overall feeling of loss. When he emailed me, I remember feeling such a sense of acceptance, and feeling of relief. The thing that I realized tonight is that I FELT something. I felt this because I was working on my recovery big time and I was connected to others that shared such similar experiences and feelings and struggles.
Overall, I realize that when I start to "slack" on my recovery; the REAL work,..... the disconnect comes into effect full time for me. Visiting the board tonight and seeing the "quietness" makes me sad and yes, I have been a contributor to that.
I have truly appreciated you all so much and wish the very best for you all:)
Maryn
Recently, my therapist had to cancel our weekly meeting two weeks in a row. No explanation, just had to cancel. Tonight in group, members expressed how difficult it was not knowing what the reason was (many of us were worried about her and what might be going on because this was so unlike her). Many expressed their feelings of vulnerability and anxiety not being able to meet with her and the group. When it came to me, I merely said that I just went in to "just do it" mode and went about my business not really feeling anything in particular and not putting too much into it. I went in to "I will handle it on my own" mode like I have always done in the past. My therapist was asking me if I thought their was a "disconnect" between the two of us that caused me to feel this way.
On the way home from group tonight, something dawned on me. When I was a member of the message recovery board prior to this...(honestly can't remember the name) where Dave was the leader, and I found out that he was leaving, I was truly affected by that. I remember feeling scared, sad, alone, and just felt an overall feeling of loss. When he emailed me, I remember feeling such a sense of acceptance, and feeling of relief. The thing that I realized tonight is that I FELT something. I felt this because I was working on my recovery big time and I was connected to others that shared such similar experiences and feelings and struggles.
Overall, I realize that when I start to "slack" on my recovery; the REAL work,..... the disconnect comes into effect full time for me. Visiting the board tonight and seeing the "quietness" makes me sad and yes, I have been a contributor to that.
I have truly appreciated you all so much and wish the very best for you all:)
Maryn
Thank you for the kind words... it may be quiet but it will always be Sanctuary...
Even though it isn't busy, I still find it nice to know it is here... I have this vision of a log cabin, near a large lake in the woods... it is our home... it's a little dusty, but there still is some coffee and tea in the cupboard... the candles can be lit and the seats on the porch are just waiting for a person's weary bones to sit and relax.
Sanctuary will always be here and it will hopefully remind us of the special bond we formed at that other place...
The people here I consider friends for life and will always have fond memories of everyone... even though it is quiet here, I don't know if we will ever be totally disconnected....
Dave