I guess change happens if we want it or not. So I try and save my energy for things I do have some control over. Which is, not much. It is VERY stressful. I was have some things come up these last couple of weeks, getting ready to do sometihng I really do not want to do, and then....the board exploded in my face.

So glad to have landed here, but still, feeling very unsteady. And now, grieving for that board as well. *sigh*

I have been reflecting on all that has happened and been said. I guess part of me is still in a little bit of shock and disbelief over how quickly things can change.

I have learned a lot over the course of these events. I learned that having convictions and standards of conduct isn't just lip service. I have to follow through even at a cost. Like that country song goes... You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."

I also learned that not everyone sees the world through my eyes and that has to be okay, I must accept that. I am specifically referring to being told that the MIP board was just that... a board in cyberspace for recovery and that my notion at having found a family was inaccurate. I am embarrassed to admit how quickly I began to question myself. Was I just dreaming that up? Was I just wanting to feel a closeness to strangers that didn't really exist? Because I did feel close. I did feel like I knew people there, their heart aches, their wonderful qualities of compassion and understanding, and yes even their pet peeves, as they did mine. So many times I felt more understood on that board, than with anyone physically around me. That says a lot for the quality of people I have met there.

I feel an tremendous amount of relief since we have come together here. You may not be my blood relatives, but you ARE my family. My recovery family. And I know I didn't imagine the closeness and loyalty with one another. We have it. It is palpable.

I am grateful for you all.

With love,
Samadhi ;-)