acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Hello lovely people...
I just want to tell you what how my life is going now.
My parents are visiting me now so I'm not working for few days. They are sleeping now. I don't see them too often as I live in Ireland and they live in Poland. We meet three or four times a year. My father is alcoholic, drinking every day, even in my home, he got few botles of vodka at the airport. I try not to bother about that to much, I stop begging him to stop drinking two years ago.I don't think so he ever try. My mother is very codependent, she loves him and never left him even when he treated her badly. I remember lots of things from my childhood that that when I read about 1ness uncles I was crying that nobody help us.
The worst is that I don't love myself and I have very low self esteem and I feel insecure.
I fall in love and start dating in the end of last year. Not that I wanted to fall in love with that man, that just happened. He is a friend of my flatmate and he was teaching me how to drive a car. He is Polish as well as me, divorce, working as a butcher. We were seeing each other few times a week and we were doing very well I thought.
A week ago he went on a week holidays to Poland and during the week he text me twice when I was texting him every day with no answer. I rang him when he didn't make contact for two days and he told me he is to busy with his things. He is trying to get church divorce. I was in stated of panic that he doesn't want me and I was crying at night when nobody could see. After another two days I rang him tonight and he said he didn't text me because he got drunk last night and was sick all day today. So I was crying tonight as well.
I have never been in any serious relationship and I really wanted that one to work, but I can see know that I can't love that man in good way, I can't take care of myself in that relationship. I'm thinking he doesn't love me and he doesn't want me but accept that week he was really loving and caring to me.
I hope everything will work out for me... I just needed to tell that to somebody.
Than you all very much that you are there and even if I don't share to much I still feel that I belong to that place.
Anna
I just want to tell you what how my life is going now.
My parents are visiting me now so I'm not working for few days. They are sleeping now. I don't see them too often as I live in Ireland and they live in Poland. We meet three or four times a year. My father is alcoholic, drinking every day, even in my home, he got few botles of vodka at the airport. I try not to bother about that to much, I stop begging him to stop drinking two years ago.I don't think so he ever try. My mother is very codependent, she loves him and never left him even when he treated her badly. I remember lots of things from my childhood that that when I read about 1ness uncles I was crying that nobody help us.
The worst is that I don't love myself and I have very low self esteem and I feel insecure.
I fall in love and start dating in the end of last year. Not that I wanted to fall in love with that man, that just happened. He is a friend of my flatmate and he was teaching me how to drive a car. He is Polish as well as me, divorce, working as a butcher. We were seeing each other few times a week and we were doing very well I thought.
A week ago he went on a week holidays to Poland and during the week he text me twice when I was texting him every day with no answer. I rang him when he didn't make contact for two days and he told me he is to busy with his things. He is trying to get church divorce. I was in stated of panic that he doesn't want me and I was crying at night when nobody could see. After another two days I rang him tonight and he said he didn't text me because he got drunk last night and was sick all day today. So I was crying tonight as well.
I have never been in any serious relationship and I really wanted that one to work, but I can see know that I can't love that man in good way, I can't take care of myself in that relationship. I'm thinking he doesn't love me and he doesn't want me but accept that week he was really loving and caring to me.
I hope everything will work out for me... I just needed to tell that to somebody.
Than you all very much that you are there and even if I don't share to much I still feel that I belong to that place.
Anna
it hurts..it hurts to feel the old abandonment..maybe he was busy, maybe he did have stuff 2 do, but as codapendents, we can be too needy 4 people and we feel abandoned wen they are just taking care of their lives and it has nothing to do w/us or anyting wrong with us.....
please keep working the program and take care of YOU....i know how it hurts to be abandoned, i was all my life and so i never learned to love or accept me, but each day, i get closer to doing that so if there is a nice man out there 4 me then good...if not?? i better make friends and stay friends with me because me is all i got in the end...
take care and keep coming back ok??
Hugs,
I do hope you get to enjoy some of your visit with your parents... having an active alcoholic makes it even harder, so I hope your Higher Power guards you and protects you and brings you peace and comfort.
I am sorry about your boyfriend... its his loss. You are worthy of love and respect and that day will come. Dream of that person and how you two will live... just keep dreaming about it. Don't worry how it will come true, don't worry about planning for it... just keep dreaming it. I am a firm believer in the power of dreams and in time that our dreams will come true.
Anna, this board will never ever be about how much someone posts something. As a child I almost had to perform to get attention and feel wanted. This is our sanctuary... it is always open to all of us... whether we only post one time or a thousand times. Anna you are accepted for just being Anna and nothing else. This is your home too and like Gaye said I am very glad you are part of this family...
In my thoughts and prayers,
Dave
I am so sorry you're in pain. You are a beautiful person and like has been said - it is HIS loss.
I realised that i was SO used to be 'abandoned' and not cherished that I switched all my emotions off and tried not to let anyone close - to kind of protect myself. That meant I wasn't really living a full life. I just felt unloveable and would always blame myself when I was let down by others.
I truly believe that the right person will come along for you - when the time is right. I had kind of given up hope really, and had decided I was happy and content on my own - which i basically was......and then , like a bolt from the blue I became close to someone. I believe that earlier for me would have been unhelpful. I needed to find Karen first.
I am learning that my Higher Power does amazing things - in His time. I truly believe lovely things will happen for you.
I am sorry about your father's drinking.
Deep down I can still feel unloveable at times - the scars run very deep from my childhood. However, thanks to the program I am learning to love and trust - very slowly.
Deep down, even though I tell myself I am a child of God and that my Higher Power is my real parent, I can still feel a sadness sometimes.
I send you masses of love, you are a beautiful person. I hope you feel some peace soon.
Know that you are loved. (((Anna)))
karen xx
Wishing You Nothing but Happy things during your Visit, I'm sure Alcohol Def. adds to it, but Trusting in our HP Gets us thru even the diffacult moments with this Addiction... I'm Sure you are happy to have that time with them...
Sorry to Upset you... My Uncle was a Wonderful Man, and A Very "Family" Man... Losing him was a Termendous Loss to our Family Unit... However... In knowing him, He taught me to Stand up For ME... Stand up for Who I Want to be, He taught me to be Hard working and that No Matter what is thrown my way, if I sit back and look at the big picture, there is always another Route, even if it isn't the one I had origanally planned...
Anna.... You are a Surviver, You are a Beautiful Person on the Inside, when you come here and share it is with Grace, & Beauty, and when I Read your Words I know it is Heart felt...
There is always going to be those "Unworthy" of your Love, sometimes it just takes us time to figure out which ones those are... HP Has Opened your Eyes, and the Next Step is yours... Like Dave said... Keep those Dreams Alive!!! A Man that Makes you Cry due to Pain, isn't a Man at All... A Man that Respects you & your Love for them, they are out there... It took me makings "TONS" Of Bad choices before I found my Husband... And he is not Perfect... But He does Very Much Respect Me...
You are loved by Many... And Yes Like above, This is a Place that we Can BE Who we Are... Inside & Out, We can come and go as we please... That is what Makes this Home So Comfortable, We are here for Support, Love, and of course ESH... But Mainly... We are here for Each Other... and that Means You as well... Never think you are not Worthy of Love, because you are, and SOOOO Very Much More...
Trust in your HP, the Right one will Find you... Just have to Dream and Move Forward ... Wishing you Nothing Short of a Most Beautiful Week ....
Love, Hugs & Many Prayers My Friend....
1ness
You're in the right place. I'm glad you're here.
A paradox of recovery is that an intimate relationship brings our core issues to the surface. I thought I had everything figured out...then I remarried, and suddenly the demands of cultivating intimacy peeled a few more layers off the onion and I realized there is still work to be done on me.
That's why I think it's a paradox. Intimacy is hard, especially so for us Adult Children who have built some awfully big defenses, but unless we allow those defenses to be challenged, our healing can't go as deep as it could.
When you boil it down, recovery above all else teaches us about having healthy relationships, including (especially) our relationships with ourselves.