acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Oh the old David Bowie song "Changes" came to my mind when I started to write this so why not make it the topic header?
Anyway, as you have probably noticed on the news section above our home page I put in a topic saying that this site is now by invitation only. It is not a rigorous campaign to become a separate entity but rather just a step for everyone to take ownership with Sanctuary. There will not be a formal way to invite anyone and we all can invite anyone we want.
Not putting anybody on the spot just quickly coming up with two names off the top of my head - Oneness and A1. Lets say they know someone who wants to join, they will and just introduce themselves by adding "I was invited by A1" or "I was invited by Oneness."
All of the folks here I can share a story about why they are a special part of my recovery... what there friendship means to me. And I never want to lose that.
I know that Sanctuary has been quiet for awhile and I will never send out a mass PM asking people to stop by. I always thought that was quite fake at our old board.
I can look at the members and know what they have gone through in the last year. Some very traumatic events. I also believe that none of them are gone forever. They will be back when they are spiritually sound and ready... not sooner. I'm not going to name the folks who have been struggling but I will say that you are in my thoughts and prayers and Sanctuary is here when you are ready.
And when all these folks do return I want it as safe as possible for them. I do not want a new drama for them.
I mentioned on another thread that I always viewed Sanctuary as a group of friends having a meeting after the meeting. Here in Nebraska, that is a group of people going to Burger King and having coffee and maybe ice cream or a burger and just talking for another hour or so... Some of us talk a lot while some sit quietly deep in their own thoughts... and the ones that are quiet are OK being that way because they know they are safe.
The people here I have the utmost respect for... we have been honest and have a level of trust that I have never experienced on any other board I have been associated with. That goes for the people who share often and for those who, right now, just want to read.
The reason for this invitation only idea is to try and protect these friendships to the best of all our abilities. By inviting someone to this board we are taking responsibility that the newcomer will not raise havoc or create chaos. In a way we become a sponsor for that new person. I also believe that by inviting someone they will be very welcomed just because of the respect, trust, and love we have for each other.
I hope this makes sense... I just want to try and keep this place safe for all of us...
Dave
Anyway, as you have probably noticed on the news section above our home page I put in a topic saying that this site is now by invitation only. It is not a rigorous campaign to become a separate entity but rather just a step for everyone to take ownership with Sanctuary. There will not be a formal way to invite anyone and we all can invite anyone we want.
Not putting anybody on the spot just quickly coming up with two names off the top of my head - Oneness and A1. Lets say they know someone who wants to join, they will and just introduce themselves by adding "I was invited by A1" or "I was invited by Oneness."
All of the folks here I can share a story about why they are a special part of my recovery... what there friendship means to me. And I never want to lose that.
I know that Sanctuary has been quiet for awhile and I will never send out a mass PM asking people to stop by. I always thought that was quite fake at our old board.
I can look at the members and know what they have gone through in the last year. Some very traumatic events. I also believe that none of them are gone forever. They will be back when they are spiritually sound and ready... not sooner. I'm not going to name the folks who have been struggling but I will say that you are in my thoughts and prayers and Sanctuary is here when you are ready.
And when all these folks do return I want it as safe as possible for them. I do not want a new drama for them.
I mentioned on another thread that I always viewed Sanctuary as a group of friends having a meeting after the meeting. Here in Nebraska, that is a group of people going to Burger King and having coffee and maybe ice cream or a burger and just talking for another hour or so... Some of us talk a lot while some sit quietly deep in their own thoughts... and the ones that are quiet are OK being that way because they know they are safe.
The people here I have the utmost respect for... we have been honest and have a level of trust that I have never experienced on any other board I have been associated with. That goes for the people who share often and for those who, right now, just want to read.
The reason for this invitation only idea is to try and protect these friendships to the best of all our abilities. By inviting someone to this board we are taking responsibility that the newcomer will not raise havoc or create chaos. In a way we become a sponsor for that new person. I also believe that by inviting someone they will be very welcomed just because of the respect, trust, and love we have for each other.
I hope this makes sense... I just want to try and keep this place safe for all of us...
Dave
My natural response to that would be that I am not responsible for anyone else's behaviour but I see that in this case it is not saying that we are responsible, it is trying to avoiding the games that can be played by people. Of course nobody can guarantee anyone else's behaviour but I do think it is a well thought through idea and a natural safe guard to try and keep us all safe.
Of course, absolute newcomers can create havoc - simply because they can be so full of rage and anger - that is to be expected but that is entirely different to someone deliberately setting out to target people or disrupt /destroy a board.
I do have a couple of lovely F2F friends here in my area who I think would love Sanctuary. One is not an Acoa, but like I think has been said so many times - it seems the 'experts' suggest that growing up in any kind of abusive or dysfunctional home can cause very similar and often the exact same struggles as with Acoas. She is very vulnerable and I feel she would really treasure being able to share here and get the loving support we have.
Though my inner soul balks at any kind of 'controlled membership' as such, I see it as an important step to take here in Sanctuary to protect this small but precious group. Seems safety is an issue for many of us?
As you have said in your Group Notice, people who wish to join who join who do not have an invite can do so too.
All groups are different but it has been my experience that Online message boards are an entirely different beast. It is the luxury of hiding behind a PC that gives some the chance to play games. The upside though for me is that those who maybe don't have meetings in their area or who feel too scared to go to a meeting can make contact with others first.
I know that the above could seem contrary to the specific Principles/Traditions of formal AA/Acoa/Alanon etc but like you say , this is not formally that. Also my experience has shown me that due to it's very nature (being Online and not F2f) - adaptions have been necessary.....a necessary evil! *smiling*
DS is the place where I share very personal stuff that I would not share in other places. I love the fact it has a personal touch to it. I love the fact I am not lectured to. I love the gentleness of the place.
Thank you for caring enough to take this step. I respect the decision and know it comes from a good place. Being a 'Mod' even in an informal sense is hard work....like walking a tight rope at times.
I understand your course of action and wish everyone here a blessed day.
Karen xx
I have Never Questioned Your Motives & have always Known that the things you Do is to Help us All have a better experience then the one before... I Like Invitation Only... And the Selfish Side of Me says, I"m Quite Content with the Friends/Family i have Made here, and I find Comfort Knowing that with our Small Group, We have a Better Chance of Becoming Dear Friends & Family rather then Too Many to Account for all that are here for Healing, Guidence & Love....
So Thanks For Looking Out for Us... I am Most Grateful...
Love, Hugs & Prayers as Always ;0)
1Ness....
The first, biggest casualty most of us experienced as Adult Children was the damage we sustained to our ability to trust. Speaking for myself, most of the pain and relational difficulties I have experienced in my life have these trust issues of mine as their foundation.
And with years - decades - of mistrust burned into my neural pathways as my "normal" it is much more difficult to learn how to trust than it is for children raised in a healthy environment.
I said all that in order to get to this: for me, the rooms of recovery - including this one - are the first and only truly safe places I have known where I might just stand a fighting chance of learning how to trust...to trust myself as well as others. As such, protecting and preserving that safety is paramount. I depend on that safety as a necessary and integral part of my recovery process, and I salute Dave for his dedication to ensuring that the safety of this group remains the sacred spawning ground of trust reborn that many of us count on it to be.