acoa sanctuary Community Group
The softer side of growing up in a dysfunctional home... a sanctuary to feel home with friends and never alone.
Hello, dear friends.
I regret not being here very often. Life has been extraordinarily busy since the first of the year. Graduate school has required that I focus and manage my time like never before. I'm happy to report that I survived my first semester with a 3.6 GPA. My classmates are a remarkable group of people, and I believe this is proving to be a significant growth experience for all of us. One of my classes (Clinical Reasoning) even felt familiar in many aspects to a 12-Step group. Even so, the balancing act between work, school, marriage and family is proving to be like trying to hit a constantly moving target. It all begins anew next Monday; this program runs three years straight, including summers.
With classes every other weekend, and with life happening in other avenues, I'm unable to make it to as many F2F Saturday morning meetings as I would like. I realized recently that not being in a weekly meeting was beginning to cost my serenity, and so I made a decision to find a weeknight group that I could attend on a more regular basis, while still making it to my Saturday morning home group when I can.
I visited the first of those weeknight candidate groups last night. It really made me appreciate my home group all the more. I basically sat through a solid hour of crosstalk! One of the members even actively asked for opinions and advice during share time...and everyone else was more than happy to give it! My guess is that this was a small, somewhat insular group that had been together for a long time and was unaware that they were crosstalking to this extent. Makes me almost regret that they didn't have a GC after the meeting or I would have been tempted to speak up. Instead, I will continue my search. That's the beauty of this recovery movement: if one group doesn't feel right, there's one down the road that may be a much better fit.
I can tell some "slippage" in my program as my meeting attendance has dropped; my serenity and ability to reach for the right tool has diminished. I am grateful that I have enough of the program in me nowadays to recognize the need for more meetings in the face of this new stressful life I've chosen, vs. blaming myself or somebody else.
Wishing all of you continued blessings from your HP as we keep on keepin' on, one day at a time.
A1
I regret not being here very often. Life has been extraordinarily busy since the first of the year. Graduate school has required that I focus and manage my time like never before. I'm happy to report that I survived my first semester with a 3.6 GPA. My classmates are a remarkable group of people, and I believe this is proving to be a significant growth experience for all of us. One of my classes (Clinical Reasoning) even felt familiar in many aspects to a 12-Step group. Even so, the balancing act between work, school, marriage and family is proving to be like trying to hit a constantly moving target. It all begins anew next Monday; this program runs three years straight, including summers.
With classes every other weekend, and with life happening in other avenues, I'm unable to make it to as many F2F Saturday morning meetings as I would like. I realized recently that not being in a weekly meeting was beginning to cost my serenity, and so I made a decision to find a weeknight group that I could attend on a more regular basis, while still making it to my Saturday morning home group when I can.
I visited the first of those weeknight candidate groups last night. It really made me appreciate my home group all the more. I basically sat through a solid hour of crosstalk! One of the members even actively asked for opinions and advice during share time...and everyone else was more than happy to give it! My guess is that this was a small, somewhat insular group that had been together for a long time and was unaware that they were crosstalking to this extent. Makes me almost regret that they didn't have a GC after the meeting or I would have been tempted to speak up. Instead, I will continue my search. That's the beauty of this recovery movement: if one group doesn't feel right, there's one down the road that may be a much better fit.
I can tell some "slippage" in my program as my meeting attendance has dropped; my serenity and ability to reach for the right tool has diminished. I am grateful that I have enough of the program in me nowadays to recognize the need for more meetings in the face of this new stressful life I've chosen, vs. blaming myself or somebody else.
Wishing all of you continued blessings from your HP as we keep on keepin' on, one day at a time.
A1
Glad to hear from ya and congrats on a great first semester... I think that the more people try to keep things simple, the busier we seem to get... I know I have been. In the evenings, I'm just drained and just shut down the mind and space out on TV.
I too haven't been hitting as many meetings as I used too... yet I don't feel "unserene" because of it.
To read the Big Book, it is a program that actually has two things to achieve serenity. First, is a Higher Power and second is the 12 Steps. There is never a mention of attending meetings when discussing the program. I view meetings as kind of sweet dessert for my soul. The main course is my Higher Power, after that everything else is secondary.
I'm at peace if I am one with HP, if I'm not at one with HP, a meeting won't help much FOR ME. All it does it take even more power away from my HP and gives it to human beings...
My emotional slips happen when Step 11 is "out there" and not within myself...
Wishing you the best,
Dave
I so relate to your feelings re the 'not so good' meeting you attended. Goodness me! I would feel incredibly vulnerable with that kind of crosstalk. I like to be able to feel safe in the knowledge that no-one is going to cross talk.
I feel it really is a joy to have a home group or a regular meeting you feel comfy and 'at home' in.
Having a medical condition means I can be utterly exhausted and physically unable to attend F2F meetings. I find as long as I stick like glue to my HP and realise that these terrible feelings of being overwhelmed will pass eventually that i am OK. I pray to my HP and try to let go of stuff that I can. It also involves me disappointing some people at times. i used to feel guilty about that - but no longer.
I have had people try to strike the fear of drinking again in me if i don't attend AA regularly. It is absolutely not the meetings that keep this AA sober. I said to a very 'helpful' member once "Are you suggesting that people who are really ill with debilitating conditions and who desperately need to rest are going to drink again?" She just blustered like a politician. My Sponsor told me that the shares in the Big Book are meant for those who can never get to meetings. Maybe the shares in the Alanon ones function the same? i don't know. I guess we each learn what works for us. that is the beauty of this program.
All i know is that for me, it can be speaking to one AA/Alanon/Acoa brother or sister on the street or simply being with a kindred spirit/spirits from any arena(even church) that helps me enormously. If a meeting can fulfil that - that is brilliant. If not, I never put pressure on myself.
I have often felt emptier after a meeting than before. Often in AA I will get some know it all say - oh it's cos you're hearing what you don't want to hear? HUH?????Who made THEM God!!! See all - know all!!!
On second thoughts yes....that smartypants is right!!! I AM hearing what i don't want to hear!!! That's for bloody sure! LOL!!!
I think of you often A1 and send you love and blessings!
Karen x
Wonderful to Hear from you :) And Congrats on the 1st Grades this session... Great Job :) Can not imagine what all that takes from a person, but as long as you are chasin those Dreams it will all be worth it in the long run :)
I hit a F2F meeting Last night, My son being on 2 soccer teams in 2 differant countys has had me hopping as well, and my meetings have also slipped, but I got to one last night & It just made me feel so much better...
I had a Friend that told me she had went to a meeting down south and she could not believe the "Crosstalk" and she accually did speak up after they Cut down a newcomer for saying she was working BOTH step one & step two... They told her that she wasn't working her Program doing it that way & she was doing it wrong...lol... And my Friend who had 20+ yrs in recovery, felt the need to explain How WRONG they were for 1) the Cross talk During her Share, & 2) for telling her she was doing it wrong... She was Completely Blown away...
Our Community is Pretty Tight Nit, but at the same time, we have enough Respect for one another & our Program to follow the Guide lines the best we can even if it is something that don't sit right and for my "Cross talk" would def. make me feel very uncomfortable... To me it feel like "Judgement" and I have enough issue with that...
A Dear Friend gave me the "Big Book for ACOA" and when I can't spare the time for a Meeting it is nice to know I can whip it out any time and have my own meeting yet still keep my Program in check... Proud of ya for not givin up even tho you are so Over run with "business"
I always Enjoy your Shares, and I'm Grateful you Popped in... :)
Continued Prayers for you & your HP on this Journey of Yours... Hold your Head High... Your Doing it! And its sounds as tho you are doing it WELL :) Keep us Posted :)
ONENESS :)
That is what is so great about 12-Stepping: each of us finds our own way to and through recovery, in our own time, and developing a relationship with the God of our understanding, one day at a time. As I have moved through the process I have learned what I need and what works and does not work for me, and that these things will evolve as I evolve. Which reminds me (okay, I'm officially rambling now, lol): one of the things I spent some time learning this past semester is that it is our ability to adapt and change that enables us to grow. We resist change because homeostasis is a natural biological drive, which explains why I stayed in toxic situations for so long. Gaining an understanding of that is helping me see my own growth in new ways.
So, (((Oneness))), the crosstalk affliction can hit more than one group (or maybe not...I live "down South" and maybe your friend visited the same group I did!!) Anyway, I found another group I'll be visiting this evening, so we'll see how that goes.
Blessings on y'all!