At one time or annother, we are all faced with the pain of abandonment. Whether the person(s) who walked out on you was a parent, partner or friend, it hurts. This is a place of friendship and support.
Just a quick post here, had to get these things off my chest! Life is good!
My parents are very controlling and undermined my self-esteem in younger years with extremely strict rules.
I had a hard time drawing key boundaries and having my space respected. They could behave very self-centred and often would not think through their actions or the consequences. Often behaviour was rash and unfair. At times putting me into compromising emotional situations and laughing at me. They still have a degree of emotional immaturity to this day.
A strive to make me an independent individual was often pushed too far, and I felt stranded and left entirely on my own. Often at times feeling very disconnected. I felt that I was unable to take full responsibility for my life at that time. A peculiar and unhealthy paradox of being a straight A student, independent, active and working a job, yet at the same time, unable to live life on my own terms even at 18 years old, whilst taking so much action on my life, I rarely felt like this was for “my” future. But for the sake of their image and reputation.
When problems did arise in the family, I felt as if I had no one to turn to for support because of my upbeat character, these circumstances could easily be played off by my parents who made threats if I was to tell anyone about it. This led to a degree of personal secrecy whereby I wouldn’t share these things with other people. They shouted at me a lot, trapped me in a room once and would just not allow me to grow up in many ways, even whilst at University.
My social life at times also took a hit, and sabotaged but not prevented fully numerous friendships and relationships due to their desire for absolute control. AT times this led to feelings of helplessness, as I began to believe that anything I had worked for could be taken away at any moment on a whim. I am a strong individual and intend to live a full and healthy life. However, I’ve got some gremlins to get rid of.