aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
Before I put the grog down I was convinced that grog was my problem and I could not understand why I could not stop.
Then through doing the steps my sponsor showed me that alcohol was my solution. When I was first told this I thought "you are away with the pixies" lol
My sponsor then went on to explain when your team won a game what did you do - I drank
When my team lost what did I do - I drank
When I got promoted at work what did I do - I drank
When I got sacked from work what did I do - I drank
And the list goes on and on. It did not matter what the emotion, whether it was good or bad or just relief I drank. So I came to understand that whenever I had an emotion my solution was to drink.
So if alcohol was my solution what was my problem? Again my sponsor turned to the BB and it showed me the answer "Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." (Page 23). This tells me that my thinking is my problem.
Now here is the scary bit, whenever I have a problem where do I turn for the answer? Yep to my mind and where does my mind tell me the solution is? Yep in the bottle. Was scary for me to realise I could not trust my own thinking. I could not trust myself to manage my own life. At this point I realised I needed a new manager.
G8
Then through doing the steps my sponsor showed me that alcohol was my solution. When I was first told this I thought "you are away with the pixies" lol
My sponsor then went on to explain when your team won a game what did you do - I drank
When my team lost what did I do - I drank
When I got promoted at work what did I do - I drank
When I got sacked from work what did I do - I drank
And the list goes on and on. It did not matter what the emotion, whether it was good or bad or just relief I drank. So I came to understand that whenever I had an emotion my solution was to drink.
So if alcohol was my solution what was my problem? Again my sponsor turned to the BB and it showed me the answer "Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." (Page 23). This tells me that my thinking is my problem.
Now here is the scary bit, whenever I have a problem where do I turn for the answer? Yep to my mind and where does my mind tell me the solution is? Yep in the bottle. Was scary for me to realise I could not trust my own thinking. I could not trust myself to manage my own life. At this point I realised I needed a new manager.
G8
Once I realised the nature of my powerlessness I could throw in the towel on the willpower. Surrender to win - one of those paradoxes we see in AA, there is always truth in paradox.
When I stopped fighting I found it was easy to move forward. The Higher Power idea sounded a safe bet which indeed it proved to be. Although I could rely on other sober people to guide me God, my ultimate reliance had to be on God Himself. I didn't have a "religious" God, I still don't, but that does not matter. I have the God that I can have faith in to guide me and give me courage where by my own devices I might fail. Spiritual love and faith is a strong and powerful force. I believe it can overcome, or give us courage to face, any obstacle.
Nice post G8, it really brings powerlessness home.
"You're looking at the problem"