aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
It came up on another post how important this is -
"Most of us sense that the real tolerance of others people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others." (BB pg 19/20).
I dont always succeed but i do try to share my own experience, beliefs and opinions rather than argue directly with other people's. However, often my viewpoints etc are different from other peoples. Often this is taken as disagreement or argument or intolerance or lack of respect rather than someone just presenting an alternative. I respect other peoples viewpoints but i also respect my right to share my own even if they are different.
Apart from sticking to sharing my experience/opinion rather than attacking someone else's, how best to demonstrate tolerance and respect in situations such as AA meetings or forums such as this?
"Most of us sense that the real tolerance of others people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others." (BB pg 19/20).
I dont always succeed but i do try to share my own experience, beliefs and opinions rather than argue directly with other people's. However, often my viewpoints etc are different from other peoples. Often this is taken as disagreement or argument or intolerance or lack of respect rather than someone just presenting an alternative. I respect other peoples viewpoints but i also respect my right to share my own even if they are different.
Apart from sticking to sharing my experience/opinion rather than attacking someone else's, how best to demonstrate tolerance and respect in situations such as AA meetings or forums such as this?
We are a sensitive lot, sometimes. Tolerance is important, but so is checking our ego at the door...which I forget to do sometimes. lol Then I have to make an amends.
I think we are remarkably well behaved in this group, even if we do get testy from time to time. We are trying to get along. I see this.
Unfortunately this medium is limited - actual words count for but a small part of the whole package of body language and a whole lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretation can arise out of that. At least on the internet we have no danger of being dragged outside for a punch-up! Lol. Considering this, I think that chat boards and discussion groups can bring out the worst in passive-aggressive personalities.
Someone on the main alcoholism group suggested a DS convention a while back and immediately my mind was filled with images of what it might be like.... best not, perhaps. The thing is that face-to-face, and even sporting avatar name badges,I would imagine that a "real" encounter would be a totally different experience to what we witness in the meeting of personalities on here.
It is ultimately up to each member to make something good of this group and to carry a caring and helpful message to our fellow alcoholics. I always need to remember that it is principles before personalities.
That may be the reason this board is not frequented by many, chiefly, newcomers. I can learn something from anybody. There have been times, also, when I have been disrespectful on this site. I apologize for that.
I do not have to defend my sobriety to anyone. I'm the only one who puts me in that position..Yet, I have felt that there is a certain bar that is set. I have 16 1/2 yrs in Alcholics Anonymous. I can only imagine what the newcomer feels. I think holycrap said it best "I don't come on this site because I don't want to sound stupid" or something to that effect.
I, for one, will not allow myself to be put in that position again. It's childish and ego driven. I believe there is plenty of room for any recovering alcoholic to share their experience, strength & hope on the site and not be corrected or talked down to. If we were all together in a meeting, we would not treat each other this way. I feel this topic is way overdue. I wish I would have thought of it sooner, Respectfully, GT
In my own case, I was shocked when at around 15 years I attended some meetings in Chicago where "no cross-talk" is a meeting rule. But when the chairperson first mentioned that at the beginning of the meeting, I had to ask what that was!
If anyone here believes I have been out-of-order, please send me a note and explain. I make conscious efforts to let new folks know there are people here who truly care about them, and I also care about everyone else!
My first sponsor clearly warned me to read the book to know who to listen to in A.A., but today I try to focus only on *what* is said rather than who said what.
A wise long-timer once observed: "It still amazes me that we somehow get well while doing little more than sitting here and pooling our ignorance!"
Peace to you guys!
Racy, like my mama used to say "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" I will do my part.
At different stages in my recovery, I have had different levels of awareness. There were times when what I thought I knew wasn't what I knew at all. lol That is why I tend to give credence to those who have more time in than I do, whether I think they're a few McNuggets short of a Happy Meal or not. lol
Sincerely, if I think I'm the only one who knows the truth, then I am lying to myself. My portable soap box is such an eye sore. lol
We agree about that, yet next there is the matter of bad information and the newcomer. So, I have learned to exercise my "freedom of speech", as such, and as responsibly as possible, and without then demanding exemption from all challenge as a banner for tolerance ... and I am not in any way implying your case might be different!
One example, of many.
Guru
This is where the Serenity Prayer springs to my mind:
The answer to the first question is that if my intentions or actions are intolerant, then I need to do something about that by the process of self-examination and willingness to be corrected that was demonstrated to me in steps 4 through to 7.
The answer to the second question is that I can't do anything about that. Anyone can choose to take offence at anything that is said to them, no matter how gentle, kind and loving it is ... I need only think back to my own experience of active alcoholism ... if someone beamed at me in the morning and said, "Good morning", they were likely to get a response along the lines of, "Go f**k yourself".
One of the consequences of my attitude in this is that when I hear someone saying something that is bang out of order, I think, "Does it affect me or is it an attempt to manipulate someone who is vulnerable and impressionable?". If the answer is no, I ignore it. Often that means politely excusing myself and walking away.
I get into this situation when the topic is something like anger or guilt and someone pipes up and says that those are wasted emotions so I don't experience them.
I point out that not everyone's program is the same and therein lies part of the strength of this amazing program. Then I tell my experience which is that in small doses all emotions have purpose and that I cannot ( at least yet) choose whether I originally feel these emotions . But I can choose how I deal with them, I have that choice thanks to this program. I'll even say the heresey that sometimes these emotions are justified.
Joel
We can relate our experience...but thought about how others, especially newbies will percieve it is important.
The old, "pull up the ladder, I'm here" doesn't cut it anyone. imo