aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
I'm just over 3 months sober and have moved to a new city. I was so fearful during this move that I asked someone to be my sponsor before I really knew enough about them. Now, I feel we do not work compatible programs. He is seeking "emotional sobriety" and generally brings each of our discussion back to this topic.
Also, I am uncomfortable with his view of "selfishness" in AA. While I understand that sobriety must come before we can be usefulness to others, I have found greatest peace of mind when I am not thinking of myself. I am in a place in my recovery where I am working hard to be less selfish and I don't want to go back to being selfish. I have not read all of "As Bill Sees It," but I interpret the entry on p.81 to relate to Step One and sobriety from alcohol specifically and narrowly.
Finally, during each of our meetings, he mentions friends who have relapsed several times. I believe he is doing this as cautionary tales, but I cannot be sure. There are many newcomers in almost every meeting I attend here, so I hear my full of cautionary tales already. I hope for a deeper conversation with a sponsor, but am starting to think maybe this person is incapable of that, at least with me.
Should I keep going with this sponsor or find a new one? I feel like I will have "failed" if I find a new sponsor, but each meeting with my current sponsor leaves me feeling worse, so I don't think that's good for my recovery. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks!
Also, I am uncomfortable with his view of "selfishness" in AA. While I understand that sobriety must come before we can be usefulness to others, I have found greatest peace of mind when I am not thinking of myself. I am in a place in my recovery where I am working hard to be less selfish and I don't want to go back to being selfish. I have not read all of "As Bill Sees It," but I interpret the entry on p.81 to relate to Step One and sobriety from alcohol specifically and narrowly.
Finally, during each of our meetings, he mentions friends who have relapsed several times. I believe he is doing this as cautionary tales, but I cannot be sure. There are many newcomers in almost every meeting I attend here, so I hear my full of cautionary tales already. I hope for a deeper conversation with a sponsor, but am starting to think maybe this person is incapable of that, at least with me.
Should I keep going with this sponsor or find a new one? I feel like I will have "failed" if I find a new sponsor, but each meeting with my current sponsor leaves me feeling worse, so I don't think that's good for my recovery. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks!
serenity4now
Sponsors are like boxes of chocolates... You never know what you are going to get. I recently got asked to be a sponsor and I was able to tell that person exactly how I was sponsored. That's all I have to offer. I also told him that if he needs to get other opinions or help from others that's totally ok. I am not his Higher Power and he told me he was drawn to me by my positive, happy affect. I picked my sponsors because they had something I wanted. My first AA sponsor had a great sense of humor and that is what I was drawn to. Later I had a sponsor who was very straight forward about his program and that is what I was drawn to. I am grateful my life was so miserable and I had tried other methods to get happy and nothing worked till I got to AA then within AA I got to a point where I had to practice the principles to a greater degree than when I came into AA. How I interpret the word "selfishness" is based on my own experience and it means that I am selfish about doing things to take care of me. Unless I make good sound decisions about what is helpful and what is not I can be of no use to me or anyone else. You are correct as well when it comes to helping others. One of the ways we recover is to be available to help others. For a long time now I have routinely gone into Jails and Institutions to put on meetings. This started in 2003 and I still do it today. It is very rewarding and affirming. Sometimes what I constantly hear at meetings is that sponsorship is the primary way that we help others. It's an important way but not the only way. Part of the AA program is a thing called "attraction not promotion." If someone is attracted to my experience and wants what I got they will come up to me to ask for help. This works well for me. I know when I go into a jail or institution all my role there is to share my own experience, strength and hope. I came into 12 step recovery with a severe mood disorder called "major depression." I no longer suffer with that because of what you mentioned about the importance of helping others. Helping without the expectation of receiving anything in return, even a thank you..... :)
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