aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
Hi all,
I have shared a lot that I dont remember anything of my 1st meeting but I have been reflecting recently and have realised that there is actually something I remember.
I was sitting right at the back of the meeting (sitting on my hands!) and a young woman right at the front was sharing about a holiday she had taken when she was still drinking. She had wanted, since childhood, to see the sun rise over the pyramids in Egypt and had finally got the chance to do it. Her life was in a terrible state and she felt terrible and she was so looking forward to how she would feel so much better when she got to fulfill her dream.
She went to Egypt and sat early one morning watching the sun rise over the pyramids, waiting for the wonderful experience she was going to have. She waited and nothing happened, the sun rose but she felt nothing. She was totally dead inside and disconnected from everything. The experience did not touch her in the slightest. If anything it increased her feelings of hopelessness,helplessness, sadness and lonliness - the realisation that something so beautiful meant nothing to her.
I have never been to Egypt and seen the pyramids but I knew exactly what she was talking about. Exactly how she felt (or didnt feel) at that moment. The disconnection, the deadness, inability to see joy, wonder or beauty in anything.
I didnt know at the time but that was my first introduction to the spiritual malady. A soul sickness that no external thing can ever fix.
I hope in recovery she has had a chance to revisit the pyramids and have a spiritual experience there. I have no idea who she was or what she looked like so I will probably never know. But she was the start of my AA experience and I am grateful. I didnt know at the time (and dont know now) but maybe that was what I heard that brought me back the next day.
And as I started to find out what was wrong I started to be able to find the solution to it.
Nicky.
I have shared a lot that I dont remember anything of my 1st meeting but I have been reflecting recently and have realised that there is actually something I remember.
I was sitting right at the back of the meeting (sitting on my hands!) and a young woman right at the front was sharing about a holiday she had taken when she was still drinking. She had wanted, since childhood, to see the sun rise over the pyramids in Egypt and had finally got the chance to do it. Her life was in a terrible state and she felt terrible and she was so looking forward to how she would feel so much better when she got to fulfill her dream.
She went to Egypt and sat early one morning watching the sun rise over the pyramids, waiting for the wonderful experience she was going to have. She waited and nothing happened, the sun rose but she felt nothing. She was totally dead inside and disconnected from everything. The experience did not touch her in the slightest. If anything it increased her feelings of hopelessness,helplessness, sadness and lonliness - the realisation that something so beautiful meant nothing to her.
I have never been to Egypt and seen the pyramids but I knew exactly what she was talking about. Exactly how she felt (or didnt feel) at that moment. The disconnection, the deadness, inability to see joy, wonder or beauty in anything.
I didnt know at the time but that was my first introduction to the spiritual malady. A soul sickness that no external thing can ever fix.
I hope in recovery she has had a chance to revisit the pyramids and have a spiritual experience there. I have no idea who she was or what she looked like so I will probably never know. But she was the start of my AA experience and I am grateful. I didnt know at the time (and dont know now) but maybe that was what I heard that brought me back the next day.
And as I started to find out what was wrong I started to be able to find the solution to it.
Nicky.
I don't remember any shares from my first meeting but I came away with a feeling of hope, that there were actually other people who shared my problem (I thought no-one else could be as "bad" as me) and these people seemed genuinely caring and wanted to help.
Like anyone else I was really nervous before my first meeting. I remember saying to myself, over and over in the hour before I went "Oh my God, has it really come to this?" I had no idea what "this" was other than it was some kind of admission of defeat and I really, really wanted to carry on fighting it all by myself. It was my family who had insisted I go, so I went with a bit of resentment as well.
I came out of the meeting with bits of paper bearing people's phone numbers and a list of meetings. There was a surge of relief to that terrible feeling of isolation I had for so long. I had no idea of what lay ahead but that did not matter so much. I found I was willing to go to the next meeting and curious to explore what had helped all those people who looked so well and contented.
I remember nothing about my first meeting except a lovely lady who handed me the gift of friendship and led me through the first meeting. I too remember leaving thinking I had witnessed something very beautiful among the people in the room.....today I know that to be hope and serenity.
It was enough for me to keep going back too and there has not been one sober day since that I am not grateful for walking into that room.
This weekend I will go and see the lady and, to this day, she is still there for me in my recovery.
A lady had always wanted to go and see them. When she went she was very excited. However, when she got inside the pyramids she was devasted as she became claustrophobic. She ran out from the pyramids and collapsed in a heap outside and said she felt complete dispair at not being able to stay inside and climb the stairs.
She prayed and she shared that she saw a light go from the top of the pyramid and then she felt calmness. She was able to walk back into the pyramid and do the climb.
When I heard her share, it gave me goosebumps.