aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
When I was drinking I was baffled by how people could live their lives in a manner that did not involve managing their life around grog.
I remember when my wife was pregnant and we were seeing the gynecologist I was baffled how he could guarantee to be at the birth no matter what time it happened. I thought to myself yeah but what if you are drinking??
I would be with people being on call for their work and possibly needing to drive to return. I would see them have a drink with tea (dinner) and wonder how they would get back to work if they were called. I could not see that they only had one unlike me who had to have the whole lot.
It never occured to me that they were living "normal" lives and I was living in a delusion. I honestly believed that everyone drank the way I did and I honestly could not understand how the could have a drink but still be able to do "normal" things.
As I recovered I learnt this is part of the disease and is part of what is meant by it being cunning, powerful, and baffling.
My disease was cunning enough to make me think everyone lived this way and alcohol effected everyone the say way it effected me. My disease was powerful enough to prevent me from seeing it for what it was. And I was baffled by how they could live their lives and not worry how grog was going to impact on their way of life, I was baffled how they made plans without considering if they drank on that night, what the ramifidations might be.
G8
I remember when my wife was pregnant and we were seeing the gynecologist I was baffled how he could guarantee to be at the birth no matter what time it happened. I thought to myself yeah but what if you are drinking??
I would be with people being on call for their work and possibly needing to drive to return. I would see them have a drink with tea (dinner) and wonder how they would get back to work if they were called. I could not see that they only had one unlike me who had to have the whole lot.
It never occured to me that they were living "normal" lives and I was living in a delusion. I honestly believed that everyone drank the way I did and I honestly could not understand how the could have a drink but still be able to do "normal" things.
As I recovered I learnt this is part of the disease and is part of what is meant by it being cunning, powerful, and baffling.
My disease was cunning enough to make me think everyone lived this way and alcohol effected everyone the say way it effected me. My disease was powerful enough to prevent me from seeing it for what it was. And I was baffled by how they could live their lives and not worry how grog was going to impact on their way of life, I was baffled how they made plans without considering if they drank on that night, what the ramifidations might be.
G8
However, most of the time, I was so concerned with hiding my own drinking that I rarely gave much thought to others and their habits. It was bloody hard work too. I still recall the utter panic I experienced when, say for example, I had to take a trip. How much could I conceal in my suitcase, how could I hide it in some kind of container that it did not look like alcohol. How was I going to sneak away and find somewhere to get more. I feel stressed just typing this!
But I didn't question the way I was thinking, my obsession was extreme. Deluded? You bet!
I too was one of those people who looked at "normies" and wondered how they do that? Or would bet that they had a few before they came out....or saw the designated driver and thought "poor guy drew the short straw".
Now that I am alcohol free, for 13 months, I see the people who aren't drinking....and think "Cool" and the proud DD "Right one" and I look at the people who slam them down and think "Poor people" and pray for them to get the help they might need.
Thanks to AA for giving me the strength to not pick up that 1st drink again and for shifting my way of thinking.
I would be amazed at people who would make plans to go to parties and plan to drive themselves home, as if that were normal!! HA! If anyone told me of a party, my first question would be "who's going to take you home?" and I'd be honestly flabbergasted if they looked at me funny and said "um...well I'll be driving" like DUH! I didn't think anyone could safely drive home from a party.....ever. That thought was too weird to fathom.
Someone at my meeting tonight mentioned something about her "crazy" thoughts & how it's the most wonderful thing on earth to be able to share those thoughts with us because if she told a "normal" person, they'd think she needed a straight jacket.
P.S. I was cleaning out my pantry the other day and found my trusty pink flask and since I know no one who would have a need to carry liquor in their purse....I threw it out..hee hee..
I once drilled a couple at a resort why they didn't drink. I thought there was something seriously wrong with them. I truly believed that they were ill. And yes, the extremes I went to, to hide my drinking. Ludicrous.
Wow, what a difference today. I see those who don't have a problem with drinking, and gee it's nice to have a topical conversation with them. That varies each time we meet.
When a non alcoholic starts to feel the effects of drinking alcohol, one cannot talk them into drinking more. When I start to feel the effects of alcohol, no one can talk me out of drinking more.
I will never understand earth people. They will never understand me.
wasn't always possible to hide though and trying to convince my wife i wasn't alcoholic was very difficult when i froze like a rabbit in headlights if she suggested i drive to any social occasion were alcohol would be present
when w stayed in hotels my first emergency was not to find the fire escape but find the nearest and latest opening alcohol store(mini bar to expensive and no way of concealing amount drank)
we had occasion to visit dry countries how scary that was but the determined alcoholic will find a way i always did just thought that's the way it would always be for me i never thought i could accept on a daily basis i am powerless were alcohol is concerned and accept it