(hug).....hey Floaty......how you diddling? What a journey you are on...and continue to be.

It literally has been years sinch we communicated yet I always keep an eye on what happens in this group and great to see you posting :)

I just got my BB out to have a memory jogger as to how I felt after step 5 and if was anything like you are describing......I know my instant reaction to what you were asking was 'relief'. I identified with 'we are reborn' yet I needed to continue with more action and steps 6,7,8 and 9.

So...a question.....did you admit the EXACT nature of your wrongs?

If you can wholeheartedly answer yes then get on with the rest of the steps quickly as is suggested

I have written on the bottom of my page 75 'have I been fearless and thorough'? So ask yourself that question.

Take a look at the first sentence of page 76.....can you answer yes?

I am also assuming that you did do the last paragraphy of page 75 when you got home?

Hope you got some identificaiton at meeting. Keep going, the promises DO materalise if we work for them :) :) :) x

(Btw, I dont come here so much now....I have a busy life from being sober and my sober journey has continued since we were last in communication....it works, it really does...as long as I keep doing the action).

Bear :-) How lovely to see you're still here!! It's like going to that meeting and seeing the same people sat in the corner year after year.....hope. Even better that it's you who's responded - i'm so happy to hear that you're living life and the promises have materialised for you!!

I went to the meeting and managed to speak to someone who said the same as you about the last paragraph on pg 75. Truth be told I need to go back to step 3.

When I came back this time I threw myself into this programme after 3 months, the reason being that I had both the craving and the obsession daily for that long. There was no way I could argue anymore that I wasn't an alcoholic. My step 4 took 3 days in entirety to complete but it's taken a full 14 months to do my step 5 as a sponsor would only do 1 resentment at a time when I saw her. When it got too painful and I told her I just needed to get it out, the result was me finding a new sponsor. This I have now and I thank god and I am relieved to have gotten my "shit" out. Only problem is I've been in no mans land for 14 months and the woman I spoke to tonight is right I do need to go back to Step 3.

From the first step 4 and 5 I ever did, my ego was a clever bugger and basically learnt what not to do but in the process I left god out completely and spent 4 years destroying my life, building new character defects and new personalities.

Right now i'm scared. Scared because I know I can't change me. I did that the first time round and drank. I do know the exact nature of my wrongs and that's the reason I know I can't change my nature - the defects yes but not my nature. I'm scared it'll never change - hence the return to Step 2 & 3 really hey - God can do for me what I cannot do for myself!!! I have to believe God either is or he isn't.

Bah I feel nuts right about now, but thank you for saying if I do the rest of the Steps the promises will come true :-)

Big hugs xx

Giday FL, have been thinking about your post for past couple of days. I am not positive going back to step 3 is the answer. Guess for me the question is do you have a belief in a HP have you answered the question is your HP everything or nothing??

Remembering of course that to help that connection we had to clean house. Step 4/5 are the start of that process and having spent 14 months would test most people's belief. I was sponsored to believe the quicker I get to step 12 the more chance I had.

So maybe if you believe in a HP then move to step 6. For me this was a personal moment. I sat in front of a mirror looking at my own soul and I asked that question. As soon as I asked that I started to feel a 'comfort' inside (do not know how else to explain this feeling).

Another thing I am curious about and MB touched on did you share your exact wrongs. Too often I have seen where the person sharing their 5th is more about story telling ie they will talk about how they went to the store and put a couple of jumpers in a bag and walked out without paying. This is not admitting their exact wrongs. The exact wrong is admitting they are a thief, they stole from another person/s. When I admit that exact wrong there is no justification, no minimising what I am doing there is no hiding behind excuses. I am a thief and either I change or I will always be a thief.

Hope this helps, wishing you the best G8

Floaty.....did you just do step 5 with the new sponsor then? I know, for me, I like the continuity of doing the first 132 pages with my first sponsor and the first 164 pages with my second. 18 months between 4 and 5 is just too long.

There is a bit in the big book (and right now the cat is sat on my lap so I can not look where) where it says about getting on with the steps so I am not surprised you were irritated. I know I joke about being with my original sponsor for 6 months and still being in the appendices yet it is no joke when our life is in question hence why I sacked her and got the first one that took me through the steps. After all, if our solution to life before was drink and we do not get the program...we have no solution to life and no defence against that first drink.

Amazing too how you believe YOU can't change. Of course you can (and do). HP is on our journey yet....really? Is this not a program of change? Steps 10, 11 and 12 are the daily 'change' steps. Of course your nature is your nature, your soul your soul, yet what happens to our thinking? By being rigorously honest in our steps the promises do materialise and we learn new ways of living. As you have found, take the drink away and we are still left with our ISMs (I, Self, Me). That is why we have the 12 step program and, as G8 touched on, we do all the steps (they are in order for a reason).

For me, we work with HP. The saying I love most is 'I do the work HP does the worrying'...this is a program of action Floaty so never JUST think it is god.

Gr8ful has been here since I have and he was an awesome influence in my sobriety....it is amazing what is on offer and what our HP puts in our path, if we work for it all.

Seriously Floaty, it is great to read you back yet do not sit pained......we have had too much of that. As Noah said, go forth and multiply! The program brings joy and happiness; it enabled me to live life rather than exisit. There is a whole beautiful world out there (if we work for it).

We are alcoholics not drinking...how amazing is that??? I am grateful to my HP every day for that :)

Peace be yours Floaty x

Greeting,
What ever we know, at first comes from our parentage surrounding. Then we get polished from the biases of the socio- political- educational system we live in. The experts born of that system guides us. But inspite of all our best trial for last 6000years, still we don't know answers of some very basic questions for sure. Like , from where are we ?, what are we exactly?, what we exactly have to do here?, where will we go here after ? etc. But unfortunately without the answers of these questions, actually we can't live a productive ,happy and meaningful life really. This is the reason why present -day science is so serious about these questions and working for it directly or indirectly. This is the reason why science is asking about consciousness and mind so much. As we don't have definite answers of these important questions, so we try for personalized researches.
This is the place where stands all solutions we want or solution shaped "pitfalls". So here we all are trying for solutions from own prospective and following some path dear and acceptable to us.
Here now atleast one good thing happened. That is, somebody dared to experiment with some thing and found something for sure.
Great trial indeed and warmhearted hugs for that ...

I came into 12 step recovery through SLAA because of a relationship I could not let go of. The thoughts seemed to be burned into my brain like a searing hot iron. Major Depression was also my lot. Step 4 and 5 was the first time in my life where dumping secrets was simply part of the mix. I grew up in a family where my parents were older so we just didn't talk about things like emotions, relationships, feelings and sex. I had a spiritual conversion experience 12 years previous and never was there a thing like step 4 and 5. I kept all these things inside myself and had "magical thinking" around many things starting from age 5. I started to dump those secrets with a person from the fellowship and about a year and a half later the secret I thought I would take to the grave had to be dumped as well. Coming into AA in 1997 was another layer of recovery. I drank again in 2000 and struggled to get sober again while attending AA meetings. Since getting sober the end of December, 2000 I continue to trudge the road to happy destiny. Without doing a thorough inventory I wouldn't have that piece in place but there are many more pieces to put in place. I enjoy my sobriety today but still trudge along. I had a sponsor who got sober 5 years before I was born and at his death with 57 years of continuous sobriety he was still "trudging." That tells me this journey never ends. As good as life is today from an internal perspective "more will be revealed." I never thought the promises would come true for me when I came in. I didn't also think that simple things like praying for your enemies would remove deep seated resentments. As my old sponsor used to say, "I have to cross every 't' and dot every 'i' provided I want to be sober and happy." There is no part of this program that I can skimp on and the longer I stay sober and more I work the principles of AA the better it gets... If you don't believe me stick around and prove me wrong.... ;)

Isn't it funny, I went to a step meeting last night and it was Step 5 and I was able to confirm that the Step 5 promises really do come true. It's that age old reminder that it happens in God's time not "my" time haha.

I just wanted to say how grateful I am that I was able to share what was really going on for me here. That while on those first few days after completing my step 5 I couldn't let go of my false pride enough in the rooms to be open and tell people how I felt but I could do it here which gave me the courage to eventually bring it to the rooms thus breaking down my ego again and making me a 'part of.'

Thank you for your experience, strength and hope!!

Bear - you were correctomundo I really did just need to get on with the rest of the steps and hang on in there :-) I had my spiritual awakening and even writing that can bring tears to my eyes, I am just so so grateful!! "HOW DARK IT IS BEFORE THE DAWN"

Serenity - I will definitely keep on trudging and I have no doubt that more will be revealed along the way. How blessed to doing it alongside my fellows.

Thank you!

Great to read Floaty........it works it really does :)

Thank you for sharing you are doing great and your remain sober and go to meetings... you are going to be ok... just getting to know yourself and love yourself living in one hour at a time with this new sober life and new outlook after working a step five you have received the gift of life to be you without alcohol... in my book you are Gods miracle and you helped me to be grateful I too am sober with you today WE will stay sober getting to know life and all our new outlook on life and self is good today .