Ah yes, a man takes a drink , then the drink takes a drink , then the drink takes the man,

We used to call this "I have got the taste". Which was to say I was gripped by the grog and had to drink all I could till I passed out basically in an alcohol induced coma.

I would buy a slab of beer on the way home from work with the excuse I will only have one (delusion) then once that was finished, one more wont hurt (justification) and the next thing how am I going to get more grog.

G8

There was never enough, I would try to limit myself only to find myself back at the liquor store to buy more in an hour once it was all gone and then I would keep repeating this process until the store was closed. I would always say I could control myself and would lie to myself while in the store that a small amount would be enough but it never was. Then the depression and desperation would set in once it was all gone, I was never able to pass out or sleep as I have chronic insomnia so I would wait up watching the clock until the store was open again and repeat the whole process. I would miss work, meetings, meet ups with friends, the whole nine yards. Alcohol became a demon with a voracious appetite devouring everything in my life and ultimately me and my entire sense of self. My identity became alcohol incarnate, I used it to self medicate, to celebrate, to alleviate, to nullify and to socialize. It was like a switch would flip on once I took the first drink and I could not shut it off for days on end. It was horrible really.

I HATE being drunk, really hate it! Yet, every time I picked up alcohol, I couldn't stop at any pre-determined limit.

I was always trying to get to the pinnacle of ok ness - I would have a couple of drinks and ask myself 'am I there yet' but I wasn't so I had another, I ask myself again 'am I there yet' no, so i deceide that one more ought to do it, I ask again 'am I there yet' I feel like I am getting close to it, I am still not quite 'there' yet, so I take another drink and to my complete bewilderment, I find I have missed the target completely, and now I am feeling quite drunk and I know that it's gonna be another night when I break my own moral code, when I put myself in all sorts of dangers before I get home. Could I stop at that point KNOWING I had missed the mark and would get into trouble??? NO, NEVER!

When I read and heard about 'the phenomenon of craving' I recognised it immediately, I knew this was where I needed to be.

The alcohol although it goes into our bodies and reaches the brain super quickly through the blood stream, a chemical reaction is kicked off and we are off into that terrible place of wanting more,more MORE. When we stop putting in the alcohol the brain goes berserk and sends all these messages to the body, hence the shakes, sweats sickness, oh DONT REMIND ME!!!

Restless, irritable, discontent!

Oh yes I remember Gr8ful's "taste" alright! Funny how the taste for booze got stronger the more I drank...

Once I got past about 3 pints, there was no stopping me and I had an awful habit of getting past 3 too. I'd soon get sick of beer though and the tequila, whiskey, brandy etc would make its intro - boy was that thirsty work drinking that stuff!

Interestingly enough - the only times I can remember being able to stop were if I was in a hot climate and for some reason i had to take a break in my drinking for whatever reason and I had time to sweat the booze off - I often wasn't as thirsty after that.

Anyone else had that experience?

Or if I did physical exercise too for that matter.

Lol how did I miss this? This too is the kindof stuff I was looking for in my step 1 posting...DOH! Guess I just wasn't read to 'listen' when it was posted! Such alcoholic behaviour :)