aa friends Community Group
Welcome. If you come to visit for the first time and have some questions feel free to ask. PM someone if you like but don't stay a stranger. We were all in the pit. We know a way out. No condemnation and no hammers. Just ask and prepare to make a load of friends.
Feeling Feelings
Many times we experience feelings that feel uncomfortable, habitual, and overwhelming. Often these feelings do not resolve easily. When the intensity of a feeling makes us uncomfortable we look for what we can "do" to get rid of the feeling. What we "do"
is try to fix the feeling (to return to homeostasis), or we distract from the feeling
(get busy, mood alter, shop, eat, anger/blame etc.).
When a feeling is intense and overwhelming it is likely rooted in an incomplete feeling from childhood. Incomplete feelings happened because as children we did not have the tools to completely feel our feelings. When we had an intense feeling as a child, we had a sense of overwhelm. In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed or swallowed by the intensity of the feeling, we found some way to avoid the feeling. Once successful at avoiding the feeling, we âpracticeâ avoiding feelings throughout our lives. Avoiding feelings leaves us operating largely from our intellect. (This is like trying to play tennis with one arm tied to our back.
It creates an imbalance and leaves us handicapped on so many levels).
Here is a new possible scenario on feeling feelings: When feelings arise in us, if we stay with the feeling, we can trace that feeling to an intense energy that is felt in our bodies (this is the intense energy that we have gotten so good at avoiding). We can learn to complete the feeling by feeling into the core of this intense energy in our body, until it naturally dissolves on its own. This process is an efficient and rapid way of completing old and new feelings. Completing or resolving any feeling allows for freed energy, leaving us more peaceful, enlivened, and fulfilled.
Many times we experience feelings that feel uncomfortable, habitual, and overwhelming. Often these feelings do not resolve easily. When the intensity of a feeling makes us uncomfortable we look for what we can "do" to get rid of the feeling. What we "do"
is try to fix the feeling (to return to homeostasis), or we distract from the feeling
(get busy, mood alter, shop, eat, anger/blame etc.).
When a feeling is intense and overwhelming it is likely rooted in an incomplete feeling from childhood. Incomplete feelings happened because as children we did not have the tools to completely feel our feelings. When we had an intense feeling as a child, we had a sense of overwhelm. In order to avoid feeling overwhelmed or swallowed by the intensity of the feeling, we found some way to avoid the feeling. Once successful at avoiding the feeling, we âpracticeâ avoiding feelings throughout our lives. Avoiding feelings leaves us operating largely from our intellect. (This is like trying to play tennis with one arm tied to our back.
It creates an imbalance and leaves us handicapped on so many levels).
Here is a new possible scenario on feeling feelings: When feelings arise in us, if we stay with the feeling, we can trace that feeling to an intense energy that is felt in our bodies (this is the intense energy that we have gotten so good at avoiding). We can learn to complete the feeling by feeling into the core of this intense energy in our body, until it naturally dissolves on its own. This process is an efficient and rapid way of completing old and new feelings. Completing or resolving any feeling allows for freed energy, leaving us more peaceful, enlivened, and fulfilled.
Billy
AGAIN.
As a kid and as a teen I experienced many traumatic and some abusive abandonment by many family members and a few strangers... all adults to whom I looked to for security which naturally and normally should be done when in those years of growth.
In my "adult" relationships I have chosen people who are emotionally unavailable and unavailable in other ways within the relationship too. I believe I create these adult relationships in order to heal these past childhood wounds. The problem I encounter is these relationships is that they can either heal or destroy.
If both people are not incredibly dilligent and honest with themselves, the old ways of shadows dancing wins out over the new clarity in the light of truth and destruction is inevitable.
However, personally, I have found I can still do deep and meaningfull recovery and healing work alone.
I prefer the bonding and intimacy with the other human being as an outcome of the recovery work, but recovery and healing is the ultimate first goal.
As long as I continue to do the work with my Higher Power as my core guideance, and love, tolerance, and acceptance are the guiding motivators, then healing will happen for me, and it remains a safe environment for whomever I am in relationship with to choose the bonding and intimacy if and when they and their Higher Power are ready for it.
I feel tired, and small, and vulnerable now while in the intense and overwhelming core of this feeling of abandonment.
It is a cumulative trauma.
In other words, it has increased in intensity as the abandonment has happened again and again to me by my own hand, over the years, while attempting to hide from the original event and emotional response as a child.
I abandoned myself.
Using others who had no ability to be there for me when I needed them, yet expecting them to be there anyways. So, when they are not there, and abandon me, I can say, "See there... I've been abandoned again.... just as I thought and was afraid would happen."
As the Big Book Of A.A. says, "we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt." "So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making." (Step 2, Pgs. 62)
As long as I am willing to let this feeling come when it comes and allow it to be just as intense as it is, and believe God will keep me safe from harm as I walk through it all, then I will have healing and peace as my outcome.
As long as I share myself and my fears with my newfound friends and Higher Power in this new way of life, I will never be alone and frightened in the dark again.
I may be frightened, and I may even be in the dark at times, but I will never be alone and abandoned as I was as an innocent vulnerable child.
WOW!!! Is this a promise somewhere in the first 164 pgs of our program of recovery? What an awesome and powerful resulting outcome of just a little effort on my part. Even after 22 yrs of awareness of this fact I am still in Awe of the Power of this thing.
Thanks again my friend for the topic while I am in the middle of the experience. AGAIN.
In Love, Light, Truth, & Service,
"Stubborn" TerrieAnn/ralop