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Welcome. If you come to visit for the first time and have some questions feel free to ask. PM someone if you like but don't stay a stranger. We were all in the pit. We know a way out. No condemnation and no hammers. Just ask and prepare to make a load of friends.

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okiyoe1 09/30/2009

No matter what other people do or don't do , we have to remain sober and free from other addictions-for ourselves. When our program of recovery becomes contingent on the actions of another person- especially with whom we are emotionally involved - the results are invariably disastrous. We need to remember that intense dislike is as a emotional involvement as new found romantic love. In short , we have to cool any risky emotional involvements in the first few months of our recovery, trying to accept the fact that our feelings could change quickly and dramatically Our watch - word must be "First Things First" concentrating on our number one problem before anything else. Am I building a firm foundation while steering clear of slippery emotional areas?
A Day at a Time 9/30
Comp Care publications

CoogeeMum 09/30/2009

Everything was to the extreme. My loves, my hates. I had to channel my energy into healing and follow through with the want inside of me to stay sober. I couldn't allow anything to stand in my way of 'building a firm foundation' in sobriety. Any less and yes, it would have been 'disastrous'.

ralop 09/30/2009

Wow... Great topic for anytime in recovery. I have certainly had my share of experiences with this issue;)! I was in a marrige with another actively drinking alcoholic when I first attempted to live life without alcohol and other substances. i certainly did struggle for the first year with continuous sobriety but not because of the relationship with my husband. I struggled because I drank different from him and I just wasn't certain I was 'a real alcoholic.' It took me at least a year of attending meetings, staying sober for different lengths of time, and then finding myself back as a newcomer before it all began to become clear, and I was able to finally stay sober. I agree with CoogeeMum, everything was to the extreem. I had not lived even one day of life from the age of 13 yrs old to the age of 27 yrs old without a sustance entering my body to help me deal with it all.
I did not how .
An old friend of mine used to say," I didn't know, that I didn't know, that I didn't know....." ;)
The relationship I was in was founded uppon mutual allowance of each other's intoxication. It was a very high-strung,emotionally destructive relationship between 2 people who didn't know themselves let alone each other. I was ready to get sober tho and eventually was able, with a lot of work reading self-help books, private and group counseling, a sponser and a good set of friends for support in AA, and finally, the understanding that I needed to find a power greater than myself to help me become courageous enough to begin to work the 12 steps. I have never worked so hard at something before in my life as the first time at staying sober. It was all so very worth it.I found the real me and have been enjoying even the tough times of the journey ever since those early days 22-plus years ago. People did try to tell me to stay out of any intimate relationship with another for the first year... but obviously this is not always an option;) I did eventually come to the understanding that the suggestion meant I needed to focus on my recovery first because my other relationships success depended completely uppon me staying sober anyways.

I am really exhausted so I will try to comment a bit more after I sleep... cannot keep eyes opeeeeeeen;)
'Stubborn' TerrieAnn/ralop

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