i need to write this down and i know you will all let me write it and its safe to write here this is what happened to me i had been in hospital for 3 days because i just didnt feel well then they found our blood types were different and they were worried about the blood flow going through her cord then they found she had somehow somersulted through her cord and tied it in a knot they was worried all the moving she was doing would pull the knot tighter and it would kill her so they did a c section and they said she standed more of a chance on the outside than inside she was 14 weeks and 6 days early she was doing pretty well breathing wise only needed 80% oxygen etc then withing 8 hours everything went down hill so fast her lungs collasped 3 times she had a blood infection a kidney infection and then had a massive bleed on the brain thats when her organs shut down and they told me to get her baptised a hour after then they took her off all her machines and tubes put her in my arms and 6 minutes and 19 seconds she passed away in my arms she was 3 days and 6 hours old i was allowed to hold her and i did so tightly for 2 hours before i didnt want to give her back it broke my heart i couldnt hand her back so they gave me some tablet to relax me but told me it was a iron tablet as i lost alot of blood and i was anemic so they could gently coax me to hand her back ever since i wish i was with her,when she was alive i never left her side only to go to the bathroom i didnt sleep i didnt eat i just wanted to be with her i was there praying everyday to be strong but it wasnt to be i have never thought heartache could hurt so much i thought losing my mum was hard but my own baby its killing me.
im sorry i just had to get that out i hope u dont all hate me i hate myself enough as it is :(

Kelsey