Im sorry to hear of your loss. I can relate to the guilt. i lost my son 10-15-09. he had alot of medical problems. he had neurofibromatosi had a trach and feeding tube. he was suppose to be on a moniter to measure his o2 nd heart rate but the doc said i could take him off of it bc he was doing really good. i did trials to make sure he was ok and he was. he was sleeping better off the moniter bc it didnt scare him when it went off. i came in his room to check on him and he rolled himself over something he never did and the lack of o2 made him brain damaged. he just turned 18 months on the 9th of this month. if he was on the moniter he would still be here. i also have a 5yo too i have to care for and i have to say hes doing better than i am.

thanks
Jill

Hi Tracy:
Thanks for sharing your story. There is a nationwide group called Compassionate Friends. The are very organized and are in many parts of the country. I am going to a showing of a movie this afternoon with a large Bereavement Group in Warwick NY and that mother who runs this group is in touch with many groups across the country so I will try to find one for you in Colorado. Our group has become so powerful because of the common bond we have have now. I wanted a group of parents who have lost a child exclusively because as you said it is different then anything else. We all have had different causes, some car accidents, drugs, illness, murder etc. But we all felt the depths of pain of living thru it. I told a priest last year well if I live another thirty summers until I see my son that isnt that bad. The priest said to me that is ok to think this the first year of grief but Tina he said you are living to die. He said the soul is energy and energy never dies so use Seans energy for the good. I then began our Bereavement Group. It helps me heal and uses his death to bring life. You can e me at miah744@hotmail.com or call me anytime on my cell 845 800 4875. I send my love and prayers to you. tina gordon/New york.

Hi Jill:
Thanks for sharing your story. We will always feel guilt when a child dies. I still say what if...but as time goes by I realize that is not life giving to myself or my other children./ I was in church one day and I heard the voice of my son. I used to say when I was alone"Where are you Sean" and cry out from my heart. I knew he was in heaven but I did not know where that place was. During Mass I heard my son say to me. You can find me here, in the Heart of God. A great peace came over me and I realized if he is in Gods heart then it does not matter where this place was. It brought me so much peace and I knew it was my son speaking to me.
He is in the heart of Love, the heart of God..wow this was so powerful to me. The guilt now has almost faded away completely. I hope this helps you...e me at miah744@hotmail.com anytime and if you would like to call me 845 800 4875. Tina

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