Hi guys,

Back spasm's, what no one tells you.

This is a part of life that no talks about, at least at lunch, with people you don't know. Most don't have the courage...until now. I have had my Wheaties, saw Captain American and have my fuzzy slippers, I'm ready.......

There I was..... surrounded by 37 Ninja Warriors, all I had was a paper clip and a piece of dental floss....O, wait... wrong story....where was I ? Ah back spasms...This won’t be pretty....

So here I am, on medical leave for the past 24 months. I’ve had 3 shoulder surgeries, an elbow operation and a double inguinal hernia repair in that time. Pain killers have been my friend. Everything has been working fine so far in the "have to go" department and with the help of an over the counter helper outer, no pun intended. It’s been smooth sailing in that area. Except that last few days......

Storms clouds have gathered, trailing gulls have disappeared, the winds shifted northwest, dark gray water brakes over the rail, a driving squall is approaching from the northwest .... The dreaded lower back Spasm...Que the lightening and ominous music....

Don't know what I did but woke up with a lower back spasm. First thought was DAM..
I worked through the morning routine but spent a extra 10 minutes in the shower with the hot water beating on the muscle and stretching while it did. That first day was not to bad but I violated that cardinal rule of spasms and the Hippocratic oath, do not harm. I decided that I could pick up a 30lb sack potatoes with my one good arm and lower back spasm to help out ma. As Jeff Dunwortheys ' character Walter would say Dumbass ! Soon as I got inside a I realized I sealed my own fate. The spasm that has been pretty much a slight irritant decided to remind me of how much pain a involuntary contracting muscle can inflict.
I can deal with pain from shoulder surgery’s and the PT. I can deal with self inflicted pain of a lower back spasms and the hassle of heating pads and stretch's and just plain old time.
What I can't deal with it the effort and hassle it takes to..... um...what I can't take is the manner in which you have to go about trying to .... er......what is almost an impossible task to perform with a lower back spasm is one that is essentially a requirement in our hygienic society. One wants be clean and fresh, to feel good when one sits at the library or park, or anywhere for that matter. Key word here SIT'S....Are you picking up what I'm laying down my brothers and sisters ? Can I get a amen.....
A back spasm is the evil spawn of hell in that regard. If you don't own a Bidet basically up "that" creek. If the bathroom was completely tiled I would just drag a garden hose in and the keep the pressure down, OK, I admit that that is pegging the weird meter but come one, if you have to hold it long enough.... Besides, who here has not done the got to go dance since you were over 25 ? Please let me see some hands cause if not I'm really gonna start to worry. Way in back..thank you your very brave. Hold it long enough anything sounds normal.....
Wait.... maybe a little paddle, two sided duct tape, rubber gloves, a huge roll of TP, and........no two side tape and aim issues might cause a problem....just saying....I had a point here.....O ya...
If you have a little back spasm in the morning pay attention to it so it does not turn into a BIG back spasm later on. It’s not so much the back spasm its self that's the problem it’s what you have to do when you have it. Twisting and turning are not conducive to your health when you have that sort of an issue. Last thing you want to have to do is call someone for help cause you can't ah..temporally meet the requirements of our hygienic society. Hell I just want to..you know...
Just saying.....