A Laughter Club Community Group
We would like to invite you to join our group! A Laughter Club is for people who understand just how serious a matter humor is to one's survival and even to one's success in life. We share jokes, riddles, short stories, and other laughter-provoking thoughts. We have one simple rule: If you wouldn't say it to a child because it contains inappropriate...
AFTER delivering 500 cases of soda to a supermarket, I was setting up the display when a woman approached. "Don't you have any help putting all this soda up?" she asked. "No, ma'am." "Well, I should think the store would give you some help." With that comment she walked away, and I went back to work. A few minutes later, four store clerks came over and started stacking soda. In 15 minutes the job was done. "Hey, Bill," I called to the manager. "What's going on?" Bill threw up his hands. "When my mother says you need help, you get help."
THE customer ahead of me at the supermarket checkout counter had written a check for her purchases and was waiting for the clerk to package them. Instead, citing "company policy," he asked her for identification. The shopper looked astounded, then finally managed to say, "But David, I'm your mother!"
FOR years my mother has taken a good deal of teasing about her supply of groceries. Even though the store is just across the street, she buys by the case lot, and her cupboard - as well stocked as any store - always looks as though she lives far back in the mountains. Just how well stocked she is, was confirmed one blizzardy week this winter when the grocer trudged over from the general store to borrow six cans of pork and beans from her.
A FRIEND of mine was leaving the grocery store with a clerk in tow pushing her heavily laden cart. After walking to the top of the sloping lot, she realized she had parked on the opposite side of the mall. Extremely embarrassed, she apologized to her puffing helper. "That's okay, lady," he groaned. "The woman I had here yesterday forgot she rode the bus!"
ONE afternoon the manager of our grocery store noticed a somewhat bewildered man staring vacantly at his shopping list in front of the produce counter. As the manager approached, intending to offer assistance, he noticed printed in large capital letters at the bottom of the man's list: "YOU ARE NOW DONE SHOPPING - COME HOME!"
AT THE supermarket where I worked, I was changing prices when a customer came down the aisle, picked up my price marker and placed it in her shopping cart. "Young man," she said, "I'll give it back to you after I'm safely through the check-out counter."
"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
WHILE waiting for my wife at the check-out counter of a large "bag-your-own- groceries" supermarket I noticed that someone had left behind a broom. When no one returned for it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the counter. I spotted them getting into their car and hurried over. "Excuse me," I said to the young woman, "but did you by any chance leave a broom inside?" "No," she replied with a smile, "we came by car."
THE customer ahead of me at the supermarket checkout counter had written a check for her purchases and was waiting for the clerk to package them. Instead, citing "company policy," he asked her for identification. The shopper looked astounded, then finally managed to say, "But David, I'm your mother!"
FOR years my mother has taken a good deal of teasing about her supply of groceries. Even though the store is just across the street, she buys by the case lot, and her cupboard - as well stocked as any store - always looks as though she lives far back in the mountains. Just how well stocked she is, was confirmed one blizzardy week this winter when the grocer trudged over from the general store to borrow six cans of pork and beans from her.
A FRIEND of mine was leaving the grocery store with a clerk in tow pushing her heavily laden cart. After walking to the top of the sloping lot, she realized she had parked on the opposite side of the mall. Extremely embarrassed, she apologized to her puffing helper. "That's okay, lady," he groaned. "The woman I had here yesterday forgot she rode the bus!"
ONE afternoon the manager of our grocery store noticed a somewhat bewildered man staring vacantly at his shopping list in front of the produce counter. As the manager approached, intending to offer assistance, he noticed printed in large capital letters at the bottom of the man's list: "YOU ARE NOW DONE SHOPPING - COME HOME!"
AT THE supermarket where I worked, I was changing prices when a customer came down the aisle, picked up my price marker and placed it in her shopping cart. "Young man," she said, "I'll give it back to you after I'm safely through the check-out counter."
"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
WHILE waiting for my wife at the check-out counter of a large "bag-your-own- groceries" supermarket I noticed that someone had left behind a broom. When no one returned for it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the counter. I spotted them getting into their car and hurried over. "Excuse me," I said to the young woman, "but did you by any chance leave a broom inside?" "No," she replied with a smile, "we came by car."
At super-markets!
They opened a new supermarket in my neighborhood. It's unreal. It's so big you have to rent a riding shopping cart.
I had to stop in last night for a few things -- a quart of milk, a loaf of bread ... a muffler.....
First, I wanted into the plant department and got my cart caught in some English ivy.
Then, I got lost in Frozen Foods.
I was leaning against a mountain of Cool Whip ... crying.....
When the Deputy Director of TV Dinner Security happened by....
So I bit my tongue and asked for directions....
Fortunately, he had a map of the store in his shoulder holster.
He told me to go straight ahead for two blocks, make at right at Pantyhose Place, and take the Toll Aisle.
From now on I'm ordering all my groceries online.
1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your checkbook. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.
2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!!
3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!
4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.
5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.
6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic.
7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.
8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.
9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.
10. Don't forget rule NO. 8
11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.
12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite -- but you don't have to.
13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check-stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.
14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.
That should be NEVER get into line with more than 10 items if you want to get out of store alive!
Just my opinion
WRONG
Customers who wait in line for like 1 hour then at the check out go GEE I cant find my checkbook, or oh I left my wallet at home, AFTER you have rung up all their items. GEE why did they not check while they were waiting? Grrrrrrrrr
ARGH
Do you have any penny rolls?
Running out of register tape on a busy day and every time that happens the tape rolls are not to be found although minutes ago you saw a big box of them under the counter
Customers who want to do a return and exchange and apply for a store card after we tell them it's almost closing time.
Customers who we ring all their items, cashier pust it in bags,runs their check or credit or debit card through,and customer is on cell phones and then says OH I can get this all cheaper elsewhere, my friend on phone says, never mind can I have a refund?
HA you woke up everyone! Good for you!
Well not so good if they thought it was a burglar but then they were up and at em, and ready for their day, so hey that's good right?
= )
1. Customer approaches customer service and asks for cigs. I say NO! they start to walk away and I have to call them back. I tell them smoking is bad for their health. I quit and they should too!
2. Customer calls and I answer the phone. They ask if we are open. I say no. No is always the first word out of my mouth.
3. Customer cuts in front of long line to say, "I just have a quick question." "Green, that is my answer." They stand there stumped for a few seconds. Then they ask the question which causes the whole line to be backed up while I have to a) call for someone from grocery to help them; b) call for a manager: c) answer their question correctly then turn back to my original customer and finish my transaction which has been interrupted and takes longer than it should have....d) I have to explain that I will be the one to help them but I have one line so please feel free to wait.
4) Customer becomes angry with me because they are charged more than they believe they should have been. I explain the pricing on the tag and the customer tells me I am wrong. We walk over to the item and I review the tag and the customer tells me the tags are confusing and that we should not make shopping such a difficult experience.
5) Customer comes to my counter because they do not want to wait in line at a regular check out then gets mad because I have to wait on someone who wants to send Western Union (who is in line in front of the impatient customer). Oh and then they have a second transaction to send Western Union too!
The list could go on and on.....