Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person
has, you wish you had ordered that.

~~~

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, " Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger " ?
The other replied, " Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

~~~

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, " You know, I was a fool
when I married you."
She replied, " Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

~~~

A lady placed an ad in the classifieds: " Husband wanted."
The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: " You can have mine."

~~~

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
" I've found a man just like father " !
Her mother replied, " So what do you want from me, sympathy " ?

~~~

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge
than to let her keep him.

~~~

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe. ( Jackie Mason )

~~~

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

~~~

A little boy asked his father, " Daddy, how much does it cost to get married " ?
And the father replied, " I don't know son, I'm still paying."

~~~

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her ?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

~~~

Then there was a man who said, " I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married, and then it was too late."

~~~

A woman was telling her friend, " It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
" And what was he before you married him " ?
Asked the friend.
he woman replied, " A Billionaire."

~~~

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

~~~

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

~~~

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.

~~~

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.

~~~

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to
go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

~~~

During a heated spat over finances the husband said, " Well, if you'd learn to
cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid."
The wife, fuming, shot back, " Oh yeah " ???
Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."

~~~

According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men
fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.

~~~

Husband: Want a quickie ?
Wife: As opposed to what ?

~~~

How do most men define marriage ?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

~~~

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

~~~

Words to live by:
Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

~~~

First guy ( Proudly ): " My wife's an angel " !
Second guy: " You're lucky ! Mine's still alive."

~~~

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are beautiful.