“It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”

-Franklin P. Jones

Analogy Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/13736385

Fun Fact: The following sentence uses every letter in the English language: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

More ‘Fox Humor’ is being planned!

The Washington Post has a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for words. Here are some winning entries:
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Disconfect (v.), To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs.
Dopelar Effect (n.), The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you explain them rapidly.
Elbonics (n.), The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Daffynition And Definition Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12824207

In another Washington Post contest readers are invited to change a word by one letter and give an amusing meaning.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Decaflon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
DeJaNesia: the feeling that you've forgotten this before
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

More 'List Humor' is in development . . .

How many of these phrases do you recognize? (Answers appear at end.)

Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific.
Surveillance should precede catapultation.
Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
Freedom from encrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
The stylus is more potent than the scimitar.
It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees F.
All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly suriferous.

Answers:
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
Look before you leap.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Beauty is only skin deep.
No use crying over spilt milk.
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
A watched pot never boils.
All that glitters is not gold.

315 of the entries in Webster’s Dictionary for 1996 were misspelled.

Book Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6682893

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
Geography Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7515722

"Ask most people which is the dominant language on planet Earth and they will reply that it's either English or Chinese. A good guess, but they would be wrong. Binary is now dominant, with computers and machines having more conversations every working day than a sum total of mankind going back to the birth of Eve."

-Peter Cochrane: "Tips For Time Travellers" (1997)

Computer and Internet Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/13766855

Please add your grammar and language humor - thanks! :-)