“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”

-George Carlin

Carnival And Circus Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12764138

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

-George Carlin

Best Wishes And Toasts
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/10402307

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

-George Carlin

Monkey Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6109557

“There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.”

-George Carlin

Astronomy Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/10934825

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

-George Carlin

Environmentalist And Animal Rights Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/10441669

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

-George Carlin

Doctor Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/5384088

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

-George Carlin

Law Enforcement Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/5235262

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”

-George Carlin

Miscellaneous Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/8390874

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”

-George Carlin

Work Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7824279

Thanks Beaumont-I love George Carlin!

GEORGE CARLIN ON AGING

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You're four and a half going on 5.

You get into your teens; and you simply jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day arrives and you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed?

You BECOME 21. You TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40. You REACH 50. Then you MAKE IT to 60. By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday….

You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. And it doesn't end there....

Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."

Wow, I didn't know Carlin could be so profound, funny, and CLEAN!

Terrific! Thanks, Bookworm05!