Why do carpenters take so long to sign contracts?
Because they want to hammer out all the details first.

Where do carpenters live?
In boarding houses.

Carpenter: What seems to be the matter?
Apprentice: I've cut this board six times and it's still too short.

Carpenter's Saws (A 'saw' is an old saying.)
-Boards: Measure twice, cut once.
-Screws: Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

What did the dog say when he licked the sandpaper?
"Ruff, ruff!"

Two journeymen carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over his shoulder or hammer it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away because it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in." The second journeyman got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective -they're for the other side of the house!"

Know any good carpenter jokes?