BuffloJo,

It seems to me that you have not reached the point in your life where you are comfortable with who you are and your sexuality. There is not way to keep people from finding out without hurting yourself.

If you need to run into the closet and never come out again, you will not find happiness for yourself. Living your life is for you, not for those around you. So what if they find out that you are gay, is that going to stop them from liking you, or being your friend? If they are having issues with you because you like men and date men, than they are not much of a friend and I, myself would not want them around/

If you learn to love and accept yourself for who and what you are, others will too, and if they cannot you will at least be a stronger person on the out set.

If you do not live your life for who you are, you will be unhappy. I waited until I was 47 to come out. I had a wife and a child. Your true friends will support you unconditionally. You need to get to a point where you are comfortable wih who you are and to hell with those who run away from you. Your true friends and family members will stick by you. Those of your friends who run away, I guarantee, were never true friends and family in the first place. Be aware that you will have this happen, but you need to live your life for who you are.

I came out my late teens. One thing to remember, learning to date takes time. I find it very hard to date people who have not been out a long time because they have so many personal issues to deal with they are trying to overcome that I can no longer relate to.

So, from my perspective, the sooner the coming out, the better.

I'm with Eric, the earlier the better, I came out at 14.

You want some cement to keep that door closed? Decide who you want to be and don't let anything change your mind. I mean, that door seals both ways brother, you can choose to explore this new you and run with what God has given you, or you can, like you say: i just want to run. and stay locked out of your own life.
I waited till i was in my late 30's and i wish i had been who i knew i was instead of being what was expected of me to be. To thine own self be true brother. don't let anyone dissuade you from living.
My sister was the first one i came out too, (thats how i know i'm gay...sis knew first!), and all she said was "And? what do you want from me a cookie?" i couldn't believe she wasnt shocked, i thought i covered it up pretty good, but she continued. "We all already know you're gay we were just waiting for you to come out!!" I thought i was a great deceiver, but, i think the people that know us best are the ones who are waiting for us to come through that door. I tell people, "when you come out; kick open that door and come out screaming with ponytails flyin in the wind!!!" But, i'll let you use your own judgement on that one! (just kiddn brother)
Another thing you can get when you do come clean is relief! I know it sounds so old : "a great burden will be lifted", but i know this for sure; there really is a burden that we carry while locked up, and it really is removed when others know that our dark secret isn't really that life threatening at all. Especially coupled with a lean on to God at a time like this, you are sure to fare well in this new beginning of yours.
We don't have to hide anymore brother. Decide for yourself what it is you want to be in your own life and then, its in your power, no one else's, to make it so. Hope you decide for "freedom to live"

Later

Be yourself rejection will be part of the process but then you can meet new friends who like you for who you are.

Buff-Jo, you said, "I get so scare that others will figure out I am gay that I just want to go run back into that closet and never come out." That's what I did over 11 years ago. I had an opportunity to start coming out of my closet. Back then I was 43 years old. Now, I am 54. I'm finally sick to death and living in such a dark enclosed space. The burden of keeping my secret has driven me to the verge of a nervous breakdown. I won't hide anymore and I am going to work toward not caring what other people think. I've made their problem with me my problem. That's what I got for being a good little Al-Anon. Don't wait until it's too late!

I have family members that try to push me back into the closet. Even two years ago when I announced my wedding to my mother, she still expected me to mention a girl's name when she asked who was I marrying. My point is, the closet follows you. Sometimes, it's those around you (that love you) who are struggling with your sexual orientation, and don't make it easy for you to finally come to terms with yourself and your life.

Furthermore, there's a difference between coming out and being a walking rainbow banner.

Almost two decades ago I wrote an essay about coming out and what that means to people. I started surveying my friends, and to my surprise, their definition of coming out was very different from each other. It means many things to different people. Some people are out to their families but not at work, some the other way around. I mean, based on your situation, the decision of, and the degree of (for lack of a better term) coming out is different from other.

What matters is (a) How do you feel about it (b) What happens after if you come out. Do you have support? Will you be in danger if you come out? How will your life change? Will there be people affected by it, girlfriend, parents, children, spouse?

After I came out to my family and close friends at 22 years old, I came out publicly by telling the story of my coming out process in a video I animated. I posted it to facebook. This was my way of closing that closet door behind me and bolting it shut. You are welcome to see my video, maybe it will help you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cgDVez3KlM

BufloJo,

What scares you the worst about coming out?

Sometimes the fear of what might happen is far worse than the reality. I'm 51 and have a friend who is a few years older who was afraid of what his family would think if he finally came out to them. He was never married, and never had a romantic relationship with a woman, and kept his personal life pretty private from his family. I told him that I thought they probably already suspected he was gay, but was leaving it up to him to tell them or not. He said his family would never accept him because of their culture and religious beliefs, as well as the negative things they said about gays. We talked about it for a long time before he finally broke the news to his aged mother. He said she cried first, and then after a while told him that she always just wanted him to be happy. Some of the other family members knew since he was a kid, and some others offered "treatments" from their church, and some accepted him completely.

Married guys who come out later (like me), have family members who always suspected they were gay. I think a lot of peoples' gaydar is better than they think. Turns out from most of the guys I've talked to that being gay was nobody wanting to talk about the elephant standing in the middle of the room. But, I think the longer you remain in the closet, the more damage it does.

As Dannymike said; if you don't live life for who you are, then you will never be happy. Maybe coming out won't be easy for some (or you) at first, but your family will still love you, and your true friends won't walk away.

Keep writing. Let us know what's going on.
Hugs