You are wasting your time trying to ''convince'' others to the abuse you had in your family. I would distant yourself from them, they are not good for you. I would talk to a therapist, this would help you . This helped me so much. It's so much easier for other family members to ignore what is really going on...and sweep bad things under the carpet. But...this can only work for so long...and then victims of abuse start to crack, reality is too much for them to handle all by themselves. And they involve themselves in self destructive behavior, to cover up their true feelings they could never talk about, and find the support to heal. There are support groups out there in hospitals, mental health facilities to help victims of abuse. You are not alone. We are very supportive here on this site. At one time or another, all of us have been in situations like you are now. We are survivors, and so are you.

They might have to admit something in their lives if they admit yours.

They also realized and ignored the issues. Now they don't want to be reminded of the guilt.

I remember my niece suddenly being terrified of thunder storms after an overnight visit with her grandparents.
I knew something happened. I called CPS. It was confidential. But later when discussed around the table, if I even alluded to any possible issues, I was shot down severely.

No one wants to help by getting involved. It is the good Samaritan story but only the first two ever walk by. So no one helps out at all.

I am not really looking to them for help. I just wonder why someone sitting on the outside needs for it to not be true? Why do they have so much trouble accepting it? What are they struggling with? It seems pretty weak to me. I have absorbed the major impact. They are just hearing about it and can not seem to handle that.

I get what you're saying Gen. I tend to think along the same lines that denial is the problem of the listener. It would depend on the circumstances - is the listener some one in authority that has to make decisions about the speaker (the abuse --ee)? Is this a friendship that's opening a bit but the listener is spooked (their problem, of course)? Maybe one is in the presence of a listener who's had a great upbringing with great parents close family and so on - they exist - so they can't (not won't) perceive domestic violence? It's not their experience so they may not feel inspired to exert empathy because there's no frame of reference? Finally, and this is probably more typical, I think culturally we're taught to 'think happy thoughts' so people aren't allowed to perceive that anything is wrong in the world never mind someone they know personally?

watch this video really good http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb-pke3ud0E

here's an example: take a quarter, heads and tails. heads is the good and perfect life while tails is the dark side, not so good life. take an instrument like a chisel maybe and smooth out the tails. heads stays the same since it is a good and perfect life as it never changes. i told this to a person one time your saying evil doesnt exist or abuse doesnt exist. you think people all have wonderful families just like on tv and in fairy tale movies?

there are two sides to every story in life that is a true legal statement for life. i said to this idiot woman look at tails, u smoothed it and bury the issues of evil/abuse under the rug as if it doesn't happen. on tv/movies, they create a picture perfect fantasy of what life is suppose to look and feel like. i told my therapist in america, we have always lived in a bubble and lived under false pretenses/fantasies. i said to this person we are accustomed to believing the lie rather than look at facts we judge by our emotions instead of using facts to say what is right and wrong.

putting up appearances and what not is all surface level what is truly going on underneath and internally? the video link i posted the guy does a great job explaining it. this is something i keep reminding my therapist she said ur parents gave u a home i looked at her and blew up last monday. i told her i dont care if it could have been worse or not, did we ask for shitty parents? did we ask for a hoarded house? i would choose animals or no set of parents if i was given that choice yet she cant understand why i have this deep hatred for them so does my sister.

after i told the person my analogy, she couldnt believe it and shut up after i said that. i said u either choose to continue to believe in the leave it to beaver, perfect family mentality or realize abuse/mistreatment is everywhere. my therapist told me people will have different perceptions about your story i said what different perceptions? everything i said from beginning to end, end to beginning is true. what kind of perceptions could u get out of it? i said these are true stories we as people have no validity to take the pen and change someone's life story.

my parents are all about looks make themselves look like great parents when that is nowhere near true. my therapist said ur dad sent u to college i said he didnt want to he said i would fail yet i was suppose to be his brightest child than my brother and sister. i was looking at grants and scholarships my mom made him pay for my education something he didnt want to do and said to my therapist how is that out of love? she couldnt answer the question. i told her the key is my dad NEVER WANTED TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIS KIDS, so how is that correction or out of love for us? i said to her we have such a bad definition on love and abuse it isn't even funny no wonder victims dont have any closure.

"What I do not understand is why some people have trouble accepting the reality when I tell them about it. They seem to have trouble believing that evil exists. They act like they want to believe that I am making things up or exaggerating. They imply things like my dad (my stepfather adopted me because they wanted everyone to have the same last name. Keep up appearances) was just correcting me. Do you really think that I am not intelligent enough to know the difference between someone correcting me for my own good and an adult taking their frustrations out on a child. When is dragging a 5 or 6 year old around the house by her hair correction? When is twisting a small childs arm behind her back correction? 'When are words like you are stupid and good for nothing and unloveable correction.


Why is it when I tell some people about it they act like they want to prove that it really did not happen that way."

i agree how is that correction? my mom grabbed my arm and put it behind my back threw me on my bed when i was a kid and asked me twice do u want me to kill u? told therapist how is that correcting a child's abuse? every time i say things like that, my therapist never has an answers. i said is this too hard for people? i told her about the book i read mean mothers by peg streep she argues about mean mothers how there is no such thing as perfect moms. even therapy operates under false pretenses too its like a leave it to beaver practice they operate under.

im gonna tell her tomorrow love and abuse isnt love thats how women get themselves in trouble all the time by mixing the two - just being honest. im very real about my feelings towards my parents. i told my social worker that a person is a stranger listening to another stranger's story as the stranger has no validity over your life/story unless they experienced it themselves. she agreed with me i said u cant take someone's story and spin it around telling them it didn't happen yet we wonder why u see people commit suicide!

why do people have a hard time understanding us is beyond me. it's getting to the point where i dont wanna talk about it anymore or answer their questions about my parents. u know what happens? i end up in verbal fights of being told off on how i shouldnt say that about my parents and i tell them off saying u wouldnt know what its like in my shoes on a daily basis, does ur house feel like a prison? ahh silence is golden.

told my therapist in order to understand people, we have to first visualize what it was/is like by placing our feet into their shoes and imagine what would life was like for them and how we would feel if we were in the same situation. by placing shame, guilt, judgment, etc on them we wonder why we are not learning anything about other people's experiences.

That is a therapist???!! That therapist needs more help than the person he/she is supposed to be helping!!

dynamical,

i agree. my therapist said that too the more people wont care to listen to your story and harder it is for them to get it. i told her then they shouldnt ask me anything about my parents simple as that dont ask me if u know ur gonna hear a lot of truths coming from my mouth. i noticed when i tell my story a lot of people hate that its the truth sorry folks not gonna tell them a lie either.

i told my therapist if ur gonna help someone, u better walk in your own truth. talk the talk, walk the walk otherwise if u have none of those, then it is pointless to convince a victim of any kind of hope.

THERAPISTS are really in it to understand themselves - well most of them anyway.

I walked out on one who actually told me that 7 people matter more than 1.
Essentially, if 7 people agree to abuse another, then the other no longer matters. It is OK to abuse if enough people agree to it.

I used the example of Nazi's and concentration camps and all the innocents who were murdered. Many people agreed that it was OK to murder all those men, women, and children! Did that make it OK?
She said, "well NO, but that is different".

The problem is that anytime it is difficult to face another's issues, they get to walk away. We are stuck with the issues.

i agree. i cannot believe the therapist agreed with the holocaust victims being murdered why? cuz it didn't happen in america? if it happen in america, would she be more sympathetic? i dont understand why it is ok for others to be abused. u have to wonder what happen in your therapists' past. i told my therapist this is where the mental health fails i heard the stories of people's therapists, psychologist, counselors, etc agreeing that these issues are okay. what kind of professional is that?!? its no wonder we got so many problems in this world!

i told my therapist why is it so hard to understand another person's story? this is why we don't ever learn from history because we are too busy repeating it! it's like foreigners said we don't enjoy life in this country. if you can't sympathize or learn how that person's life is like daily, then we will never learn anything about people in general. this is why we know nothing about every ethnic group out there too many damn assumptions/lies on tv, friends, family, etc everywhere.

like i always say the abusers get a pat on the back or a slap on the wrist, like you said we are stuck with the issues and not healed from it either.

Sunnybunn if something becomes ok because 7 people agree on it then that is what is referred to as group think. People are not thinking for themselves. That is also the same as giving in to peer pressure. Something seems ok because the group is doing it. "Everybody is doing it"???!!!! How old are we?

HELLO, NOBODY LIKES TO HEAR ABOUT ABUSE OR AKNOWLEDGE IT, UNLESS THEY HAVE BEEN ABUSED THEMSELVES, ONLY NOW MY SISTER ACCEPT THAT OUR FAMILY WAS DYSFUNCTIONAL, AND OUR FATHER DID WRONG , HE HAD A MISTRESS, AND THE LOCAL PEOPLE HAD A GOOD TIME GOSSIPPING, IT HURT OUR REPUTATION, NOBODY WANTED TO BE WITH US ,OR HAVE THEIR SONS BEFRIEND US, MY FATHER DIDN'T CARE ABOUT REPUTATION, BUT I KNOW THAT IT HAD A HUGE IMPACT ON US, HE WAS DEMANDING, CONTROLLING, ARGUMENTATIVE, AND IT AFFECTED OUR LIVES, WHEN YOU ARE A CHILD YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, AS GROWN UP WE KNOW HOW IT AFFECTS OUR LIVES..I WAS TRYING TO TELL MY AUNT BUT HSE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND , IT REALLY HURTS, SHE HAS HAD A GOOD LIFE ,HOW CAN SHE SEE WHAT I WENT THROUGH..JUST BE HAPPY AND LIVE YOUR LIFE , BECAUSE NOBODY CARES, LOVE LUCY'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

when i was a child, i understood perfectly - all of my siblings did and it's true some kids don't understand. i told my therapist nobody wants to hear abuse although it is a true story about your own life. that is why i said when you meet people and make friends, how are you gonna dodge that question about your family life? i told her and my bf in the session i have been mistreated, ridiculed, and tossed aside because i didn't come from the picture perfect family.

even the foster kids had a rougher than me yet that wasn't the life they asked for. it was easier to befriend them than it was someone who came from the "tv ideology family shows." i told my therapist when people hear about my parents, they don't wanna talk to me after that. omg, i told my bf in the car this is not hard to understand. since my therapist said all the books i read on these topics doesn't help to change your life or stay stuck neither is looking at fictional bs on tv or whatever u were told!

i told my bf if people can't look through all the surface layers of life and the shit people throw at u - there are still many lies out there, and if a person isn't smart enough to distinguish the truth and a lie then it's no wonder people don't grow/prosper. we are taught in america in this society to not "question anything" when the shit gets tougher. told that to my therapist she just looked at me oh im sorry, am i speaking too much of the truth?

told my therapist i can see str8 bullshit really easily ive been doing it since i was a kid in my sleep and it's not a big deal to me most things doesn't surprise me anymore lol. like joyholy said it ruined our reputation, why are the children still always punish by the adults in the families' mistakes or whatever u wanna call it is beyond me - it's always the children's fault according to a lot of people out there and it's sad that those same people have children themselves or love to be around children.

my dad has a hoe on the side she is 10 yrs older than him 11 yrs older than my mom wow he wanted a mommy figure for a wife. he married the other woman in 72 probably b4 my brother was born yet my lousy mother did nothing about it. my dad is a polygamist, but i can imagine how it is our fault that our own father is a polygamist that we the kids should have done something about it - we were very little at that time wtf were we suppose to do?

my dad likes to keep things hidden don't want it all out there gosh i wonder what his "friends" would think! one guy he knows mumbled under his breath on the phone with my mom i thought his wife is name francina and thought she was in cali. not sure what kind of lie he told the guy later on but he still talks to my dad. ohh feel sorry for them they got a narc as a friend.

Ladytiger I hope that you do realize that this therapist can not help you. She may have some degrees and completed some classes but there are some things that she does not get. This therapist is way too out of touch. The abuse is being invalidated. A therapist is supposed to help guide you to healing. This person is not qualified to do that. She can not even acknowledge the abuse. She can not help you to deal with it or recover from it. You can probably help someone more than she can.

true. right now, she is having me to do these types of breathing exercises so it wont trigger me to fight with someone verbally. therapist is like books and hearing stories doesnt help omg so why do we pass stories down from generation to generation? i have seen she has no clue what it is like to live in a prison but i dont know what her life was like growing up. in another month, i will be needing to renew my food stamps, i have no idea what i am gonna do with it nor am i sure if i will continue with therapy as there are more hidden things about me....

true. mine has experience in abuse and trauma not narcissism/personality disorders/sociopaths would have been nice if she said that! she told me why have an action plan if i dont do it? i said since when do u go with me to my social worker once a month? told her reason why i was struggling with my action plan with my social worker is because of trying to be open to possibilities for jobs.

some of these mental health professionals use your life experiences to help them which they should have fixed their own issues before they became a mental health professional.