With the new year and new changes a lot has been coming up for me lately from past. Every nov-dec is difficult for me because I always have my manic episode then as a majority of my abuse happened around my birthday in November. and just when I get my mind back after this I am always tortured by my PTSD and reliving the hell my dad put me through. He lives on the other side of the world and whenever he we would visit I would get it the worst. Having to hide my sister and making sure he found me first. And when we wasn't abusing us he was picking us up from school unannounced reminding us that he could take off with us whenever he wanted. Threatening to take us away from our mom. As i got older it got more and more severe. My mom knows maybe 2 incidents that happened. I've felt a need to keep this secret and all that he has done to me. I struggle alot because my grandparents will disown me if I don't talk to my dad. I love them too much to lose them but it kills me everyday that I have to have contact and that he feels like it's his right to know all the details in my life. They would never ask me to have a relationship with my rapists yet they think this is acceptable. With all the complicated family dynamics and PTSD I am being tortured by this everyday. The hardest part currently is my therapist thinks that it would b beneficial for me if I shared this secret and told people that are close to me what he did to me... especially my mom. That terrifies me. I've felt a need to protect her from this. I dont know how she will take it. I don't want her to be in pain or worry. She is my best friend and my hero. She raised me to be a good person despite the bad examples I had been given. I feel like if she knows it will break her heart. I know she will be supportive and believe me but I am so scared to tell her. Any thoughts on how to handle or even face this?