I am learning to let go of unrealistic expectations, especially from my family of origin. I've learned that when it comes to nurturing etc. that they just don't have it to give!

Learning not to look on the outside for validation and not to let others define who I am.

Oh and this is huge! I've stopped all the extreme people pleasing, trying to make people like me! I think I need to fine-tune this one a little thought because I've went from over pleasing to not doing anything at all lol.

I'm also learning not to take others behavior so personally. More times than not, I'm finding that it has more to do with them and who they are and not me at all.

That's all I can think of right now...

Discounted, thank you for your reply.

I have learned that I have value as a person - I am not a zero in life. My abusers were so low on the economic and social ladder that the only way they could imagine feeling good about themselves was to berate their own children. They really made me feel like I didn't deserve to exist. I now recognize people like them when I encounter them today, and I avoid such people as much as humanly possible. To everyone else, if you encounter people who try to make you feel worthless as a human being, get away from them immediately and do not interact with them. They are toxic people and they will destroy your self-esteem and your life if you let them. Try to find normal, healthy people when possible.

I've made a lot of progress. Through the years I have taken care of many issues, have grown, have learned to let go of certain things, and certain people, etc.

What I have come to realize is that no matter how much self-help and self-care I take, the world isn't going to change, the past isn't going to change, and there are always going to be plenty of opportunities to send me back to feeling miserable.

I have a voice, I use it, and what I have to say doesn't have to settle well with everyone (or no one; it's my voice) and that's perfectly fine. I've come to have a great sense of myself, of who I am, what I can give, and who I'm not. I have a life, and I have progress enough to bring and create more good moments than bad moments, creating new great memories. And I'm not alone. There are people that care about me a great deal.

My progress became very clear when recently I started being attacked at work by a person who seem to have problems or only god knows what (could be that he just doesn't like me). The way I managed to remain cool, and have the clarity to separate myself from him, and my issues from the fact that I was being attacked, it all made me realize how long of a way I have come. That's when I noticed the dramatic change in my view of myself, and that I just stopped pointing at myself all the time. The incident wasn't pleasant, but I felt great about myself for the way I handled it. I set boundaries and let go of whatever nonsense was thrown at me. I didn't engage in madness.

That's my progress. And I'm grateful every day for it.

These are all wonderful uplifting things to read Discounted, Beaumont and Chris. It's important to realize the progress we've made and everything we've learned from our past. I can really relate to what you've all said.

I've started to learn how to recognize why I act in certain ways today because of unexamined and unchallenged beliefs from the past. I have really made a lot of progress with my conflicting feelings of feeling anger. I no longer view anger as a bad thing and have come to realize that if it weren't for my anger, I would still be stuck where I was twenty years ago. I now see my anger as a warning bell telling me that my boundaries are being violated in some way. I've made a huge breakthrough in allowing my needs and wishes to matter. For so long I catered to everyone else's needs and wishes thereby attracting the wrong kind of people. I'm careful to take a much more balanced approach to all relationships. Some days are better than others and I'm grateful today that I have the peace and serenity I need to focus on the good.

Hmgm, thanks for participating. You've made excellent progress, and I'm glad to hear it.

I have gotten to the point where I can experience happiness through my accomplishments. These were always ridiculed or ignored as a child, and so I learned that it didn't do any good to accomplish something good in my life, so I turned to negatives . . . physical abuse of other children, stealing, arson, the list goes on and on. Today I don't need to do those things to get positive attention. All I have to do is be the person I've become.

Thank you, KarenVanB, and welcome to our group.

One of the things that can hamper our progress is our present day surroundings. I lived in poverty as a child, and today as an adult, I still live in poverty. As a child, I was around a lot of homeless people, drug addicts, ghetto people, lifetime welfare recipients, criminals, and other people at the bottom of society. Today as an adult, I am still surrounded by that kind of people, and it is crushing to my spirit. I feel like a tiny flower growing up through a crack in the sidewalk, being constantly stepped on but still trying to bloom.

Beaumont, I can really relate to your last post!! I too live in poverty, however, this is not WHO I am. I also lived in domestic violence shelters, in my car etc. I also have been around, and lived with, people that others do not ever want to talk to, much less ''live'' with. I have to be honest here, I would rather be around people who are ''financially challenged'', and they are much nicer to me than people who have money, and look down on me because of the area I live. I don't let my finances, or lack there of, dictate the happiness that I have made for myself..I too once let the negativity of my surroundings over shadow the good that I have in me. But, in my case, I was given a 2nd chance in life, and I am not going to blow it this time!! My faith and spirituality has really pulled me through a lot of adversity that I probably would not of survived...I am living now. I always try to make the best of what I have. And, I always have, and still do...There is an angel on your shoulder....that's me! If you would like, please private message me, I am always here to talk. Hang in there. If you want to change your surroundings, I will be happy to give you some suggestions that might help you. Take care, be safe.

Well back decades ago i would occasionally put the bullies of the day in the hospital for an extended periods. Yet after years of dispersing alot of my own hurt and pain, I choose now to work and speak from my heart. With Love instead of vengeance, with compassion instead of rage, with knowledge and wisdom instead of ignorance and stupidity. I have found my voice again and have spokne in public on behalf of victims of child abuse, although recently i'm still tending to my wounds that i received from my sibling for doing so. I have had men thank me for coming forward since it had helped them to seek help, I'm not proud of this it's more like at least i'm useful in some way. Most of all I love to help, since i truly know how deep the misery and grief can in-trench into ones soul. All my best to all, from my Heart to yours, Blaine

For the most part I've put it all behind me. but I still wonder at what a great person I would have been if I'd had supportive parents.