I was not allowed to have friends outside of school, so I lack a lot of social skills when I entered into adulthood.

I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't emulate their behavior, no matter what your age is. This just ends up making you feel fake and the other person won't get to know you for you.

A friend can be someone you simply spend time with occasionally, doing something you both enjoy......or......a friend can be a confidant that you share all your secrets with. Friends usually have something in common.....a hobby, an experience in life, same church or professional affiliations. Friends are a part of our lives for companionship and emotional connection. Sometimes those emotional connections are superficial and sometimes they are deep and they can be anything in between. Healthy friends support our dreams and we, in turn, support theirs. Friends are there to vent your frustrations to and offer advice if that is what both of you want. Friends run errands with you just for the purpose of spending time together. Friends can help you discover who you are by offering up opportunities to listen, share, and help.

But like any relationship....friendships need healthy boundaries, trust needs to build over time. With a friend there is no rush, no need to be anything or anyone other than who you are.

To become a friend, take up someone's offer to attend some sort of social function. If you work with someone who has a personality you really like, ask them if they would like to get lunch with you one day. Join a social club of some sort - book club, garden club - whatever kind of hobby you might be into and simply start talking when everyone is discussing a topic you have something to say about. If you are unsure how to approach someone, you can start a conversation with something so simple as, "Hey I really like that shirt you're wearing today. You have such a great sense of style." This could start a conversation on fashion and maybe even a lunch date or a shopping date where you get to know someone better. You could even bring up something like, "I really liked what you had to say about ..................." Then you could add your thoughts and go from there.

Reaching out to others is often difficult when you feel socially awkward.....believe I know! But, its one of those things you kind of HAVE to force yourself to do in order to get what you want. So, that means, swallow hard, take a deep breath, and talk yourself into it.

If there's any consolation, I had a "forced down my throat" friend, which was an asshole and as abusive as the rest of my world back then. He was supposed to be my friend because we were the only two who were exactly the same age, and that's what the idiot adults I grew up with decided was appropriate.

I feel that it's easy to develop tolerance to loneliness and isolation than developing such a twisted concept of friendship.

Today I am very socially awkward, but I just celebrate me. "Take me or leave me" is my attitude. I don't like isolation and loneliness, but I definitely prefer being shunned than being surrounded by stupid shallow, critical ignorant people.

I didn't have any friends, either growing up. I was too busy surviving. In my early adulthood, friend making was not possible because of my disorders (PTSD etc.). I wasn't mentally and emotionally ready for that. I hadn’t learned how to draw boundaries with people yet. When I became more stable and learned to be more assertive, I started to explore social functions. I used "The Assertiveness Workbook" by Randy J. Paterson, Ph.D. as I worked on my social skills. Like JillieBean said, friends are people you CHOOSE to spend some time with doing some fun stuff.

I was extremely blessed when I found my roommates. I wanted friends, but I didn't really have time or money to go out. I met a girl who was looking for 2 roommates at church, and I became one of the two. My roomie #1 was a very social person who loved to host game nights, movie nights, tea party, baby showers, birthday parties etc. etc. Her idea of friendships was pretty wide and shallow: anybody and everybody were invited, pretty much, for her event. It worked out very well for me because no one asked each other very deep questions, so I never felt I was on the spot, which I was afraid of. I didn’t have to share anything that revealed that I was a survivor of child abuse. We usually had fun. When I wasn't feeling up for it, I just excused myself to my room. No one bothered me.

My roomie #2 and I shared a common past – she’d been abused as a child, and spent most of her childhood in foster care. It was more difficult to make friends with her initially than with roomie #1. After we shared our past, we connected. I wish she could spend more time making some good memories together, but she didn't like parties and she didn't feel comfortable with strangers. I understood. We became closer friends, though, eventually. We both didn't have families to go to during holidays or any families to remember celebrate our birthdays, so we started to do celebrations together. We helped out with each other’s life more because we understood the challenges that came with being survivors of abuse. We didn’t have to explain anything to each other. We knew when there was a need, and we just stepped in to help each other.

Roomie #1, she didn't understand those everyday problems we experienced as abuse survivors (not that she was a bad person; she couldn't relate or didn't see certain situations as such a threat or a big deal needing of any assistance because she usually had support from her own family members. I think she didn’t even realize she had a support system going in her life that we never had). She played a huge role in us learning what healthy and normal relationships look like, how to take care of basic things we should have learned from parents as children, how to compromise and find win-win situations, etc. as we did “life” together.

After a few years, we learned a lot about each other’s past, and we became close friends. The degree of closeness we felt for each other were very different, though. They were my first ever true friends, so I would call them my best friends (and I feel that way), but my roomie #1 doesn’t describe me as one of her best friends. She has friends from her childhood that she feels much closer and knows her better than I do. I was hurt that I’m not as significant as she became to be in my life, but I’m still her friend and she calls me friend, too. We don’t live together anymore as they married and started their own family, but roomie #1 continues to host events: she actually started a monthly roomies get together, so that roomie #2 would feel more comfortable doing stuff with us.

Roomie #2 and I formed a closer tie than I did with roomie #1. Again, I’m not her best friend, but this may change as our friendship continues to grow.

I live at least a couple of hours away from them now, and I’ve been trying to make new friends. It has been very difficult, and I feel isolated and alone again. It must have been the chemistry of the three of us: without roomie #2, I don’t think we would have opened up to talk about our past, and without roomie #1, I don’t think we could have learned a healthy way of doing life together very well. The three of us getting together was a miracle for me.

To be a good freind, be yourself. You have shown on here you are kind, wise, and thoughtful. You have good insight into life in general, friends appreciate that. Express yourself as you do here, with kindness and empathy, and people will appreciate that, even if it's not about anything more important then the fact that you like their shirt!
People who are good friends will accept what and who you are. That does not mean they might agree with you all the time, but they respect your opinion and thoughts, but respect themselves enough to say as much.
Make friends by reaching out, like Jillie said!
I have some friends, but mainly I have one good friend and my SO who I am very close with. My best friend is a hoot, I love her to death! She is honest, kind, thoughtful, empathetic, and always accepts me for who and what I am at that moment (which can vary greatly for me!) I do my best to return that to her, and take every bit of time we get together as what it is. Also, I love the fact that we "agree to disagree" on a great many things, but because she respects me and I respect her, we accept that. We do like the same books, but as she says, she'd never wear what I wear. But she also says I look good in it, and I wouldn't in what she wears! So when we shop together, we just make sure we both get to hit a store that fits what we like :)
I love my friends who don't try and change what I am at that moment. I am not all peaches and sunshine, and a friend who can say "hey, you seem bummed out, how about we make some cupcakes and watch a kids movie!" is a friend of mine :) I no longer accept friends or people in my life who feel the need to change what I am at that moment, not my mood, not my clothes, not what I want to do.
And there is a difference between them saying they don't want to see a movie now, what else can we do that we both want to do? And a friend saying no movie, I want to go jogging, even if I said I'm sore and don't want to.
Each of my friends is a friend in a different way, but I accept them for their good and enjoyable qualitys, and I am ok with their limitations. A gal and her husband are friends with me and my SO. They are fun to go out to dinner with, to ride with, to shop with, to hunt with. I also know she has a limitation on what you can tell her, she will tell everyone she knows, and it works it's way around to people we mutually know. So, she's not one to share secerets with! But, she is fun and good company, so I accept that limitation on our friendship. And I accept that I am good at keeping secerets, which is why she tells me hers (course she probably tells everyone! LOL!) but I accept that I cannot do the same with her ;)

I had a couple friends from my neighborhood growing up but I didn't get to hang out with them much because my parents were so strict. I never made friends from school though from elementary through junior high. I made two friends in high school but I only hung out with one and she desserted me after we both had married best friends and both got divorced. I have not really had a friend sense. I know what it means to be a friend at least my idea of what it is but I have no clue of how to make friends not sure I ever did.

I have not really ever had the type of friend I could call on at all hours of the day or night or that I could rely on to be there when I needed a friend. I would really like to but I am beginning to feel like it will never happen.

I can't even make friends here on DS or any place else in the cyber world. How pitiful is that. Sure I have friends in my friends list but no one ever talks to me like the rest of my relationships its always one sided. You know its supposed to be give and take but everything in my life has been me as the giver and everyone else the taker.

Trying to change that not much luck though.